Monday, September 1, 2014

Workers Give Thanks To Employers For Not Exploiting Them On Labor Day

WASHINGTON — (TYDN) Workers across American celebrated Labor Day, giving thanks Monday to a day free from being exploited by their employers, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

From tourists here at the nation's Capitol, to sightseers at the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, members of the nation's workforce enjoyed the day off either by shrugging aside their routine exploitation or pretending it does not exist.

San Francisco tourists pause to reflect on Labor Day, a day free from workforce exploitation. Photo: Jim Nix/TYDN
"I know that tomorrow, my boss, who doesn't have a clue and makes three times as much as me, is going to demand that I do something absolutely stupid. And I'll have no choice but to do it while keeping my mouth shut," said a middle-aged software salesman who was visiting San Francisco and declined to give his name out of fear of retribution from his employer during an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "But today, Labor Day, I'm not going to let that tool ruin my paid day off."

A woman admiring the Supreme Court building here, who works as an office manager at a law firm, said she was "happy" with her job and hoped one day that her employer's tax breaks would trickle down.

"I'm pretty happy that through my hard labor, my boss earns $25 annually off of my labor for every $1 it pays me a year," said the woman, who declined to give her name out of fear of retribution during an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "I've heard that some of my coworkers every day think that they might get fired. But I only worry about that a couple of times a week. I feel pretty lucky about that."

Still, millions of workers across America didn't have the day off Monday, according to an investigation by TheYellowDailyNews. Dozens of those workers, interviewed exclusively by TheYellowDailyNews, said they've become accustomed to being exploited by their employers even on Labor Day.

Henriette González, a cook at McDonald's in Phoenix, Arizona, said during an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews that her exploitation doesn't stop at McDonald's.

"After my shift," González said, "I work a second job washing dishes at the local pizzeria so I can afford McDonald's hamburgers for my kids."

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Friday, August 29, 2014

Apple iWatch Said to Tell Time, Insiders Say

CUPERTINO, Calif. — (TYDN) The iWatch, Apple's much-anticipated first foray into wearable devices, is expected to keep time, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Several Cupertino sources, speaking to TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the topic, said the 2.5-inch watch Apple is expected to  unveil next week will be equally as gorgeous as it will be able to tell time from any location on earth.

Photo: Martin Hajek/TYDN
Because of the time-telling feature, analysts said Apple could sell 10 million units of the iWatch in its first six months on the market. Apple hasn't confirmed the iWatch, but several sources, speaking to TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity, said Cupertino will unveil Sept. 9 a device that many are calling "the most gorgeous timepiece the world has ever seen."

Analysts, however, were taking Apple executives to task for not introducing a watch years earlier. Shareholders are expected to launch a class-action next week, alleging that Apple's shares would be as much as 18 percent higher had Apple debuted the iWatch by no later than 2012, according to people who have been briefed on the lawsuit.

"I mean, how could Apple not realize that all they had to do was slap their logo on a watch and they could increase its value ten-fold, instantly," Jada Parkstein, a Merrill Lynch financial analyst who covers Apple, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

To make up for lost time, Apple executives have agreed to double the number of Apple logos on the watch in a bid to increase sales.

Wall Street reacted to that news by sending Apple shares up 3 percent.

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Thursday, August 28, 2014

Bush Upset He Cited WMD, Not ISIS As Grounds To Invade Iraq

KENNEBUNKPORT, Maine — (TYDN) Former President George W. Bush said Thursday that he was having second thoughts on his decision to invade Iraq on grounds that he believed Iraq's then-president, Saddam Hussein, had weapons of mass destruction, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

"I should have picked ISIS, dammit," the nation's 43rd president said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews here at the Bush compound on Walker's Point. "Everybody hated Saddam, but everybody really hates ISIS."

Photo: Cliff/TYDN
Bush, in the 30-minute interview at the Bush family mansion here, said that 500,000 casualties resulting from the March 20, 2003 invasion might be more palatable had he given a legitimate reason to attack Iraq.

"I really think if we went after the right enemy to begin with, things would be different," said Bush, fresh from a mountain bike ride along his acreage that abuts the Atlantic Ocean.

War historians agreed, and said the former president showed great courage in his exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

"I think what the lesson here, and notwithstanding whether it will be followed, is that it's best to wage war not on a pretense, but for legitimate reasons," said University of Michigan history professor Rolf Gergstein, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "I mean, if you're going to war, and all of these people are going to be killed and lives uprooted, you might has well as benefit from it. I applaud Bush for now recognizing that."

ISIS—the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria—is a Sunni jihadist group in the Middle East, claiming authority over all Muslims across the globe, and is attempting to bring Iraq and Syria under its immediate control through brutal sectarian violence.

ISIS burst into global consciousness in June when its fighters seized Mosul, Iraq’s second-largest city, after moving into Iraq from their base in Syria.

The Iraqi Army disappeared and the group declared a "caliphate," or Islamic state, that erased borders and imposed Taliban-like rule over a large territory, killing thousands and displacing hundreds of thousands more.

In response, President Barack Obama is mulling an Iraq re-invasion strategy.

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Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Explosion Kills Two Bloggers Testing iPhone 6 Sapphire Screen Durability; Screen Unscathed

SAN DIEGO — (TYDN) An explosion ripped through a small one-bedroom cottage here early Wednesday, killing two bloggers who were testing the durability of the new sapphire screen set to debut in the latest iPhone next month, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Police said the bloggers for MacDroolMag were strapping the explosive C-4 to a sapphire crystal that is said to be the new display for the upcoming iPhone 6. The bomb, however, set off before the bloggers could bring the explosive device outside to some nearby open space and video-tape their test, the authorities said.

Photo: Nick Savchenko, TYDN
Capt. Sherlock Smarms of the San Diego Police Department, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, said the 4.7-inch sapphire survived the blast and lived up to its indestructible reputation.

"We are extremely excited to announce that there wasn't a single scratch on the sapphire crystal," Smarms said. "We believe Apple is making the smart choice with this new sapphire screen."

The authorities withheld the bloggers' names pending notification of next of kin.

The screens are made of layers of man-made sapphire glass that render them able to withstand any force.

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