Friday, September 19, 2014

Four Dead in Ohio Apple Store iPhone 6 Rampage

CLEVELAND—(TYDN) As many as four people were killed and dozens injured early Friday at an Apple retail store here when inventory of iPhones ran out and opening-day sales came to an abrupt halt—setting off rioting, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Firefighters were responding to a five-alarm fire, allegedly set with a Molotov cocktail thrown from the rampaging crowd. The entire Apple retail store was consumed by fire, witnesses told TheYellowDailyNews. SWAT teams and the US National Guard were rushing to the scene to quell the melee. All the while, thousands of would-be iPhone purchasers were clashing with each other, Apple sales clerks and with baton-wielding police.

Photo: Remo Cassella/TYDN
It was the worst violence involving a new Apple product following the 2012 opening-day sales mob in which 5 people were killed at an Apple retail outlet in San Francisco that had run out of iPads.

Witnesses to the Cleveland disaster said things were running smoothly when Apple opened its downtown retail store's doors at an unusually early time of 6 a.m. But at about 6:30 a.m., supplies of the iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus had dried up, leaving a throng of angry consumers without Apple's newest product.

"It was kinda like a cross between a Somali food distribution center and the Los Angeles rights," witness Delphia Melfstein said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

Melfstein, who was airlifted to a local hospital for smoke inhalation, said she saw a mob leap the sales counter and began assaulting Apple store clerks and demanding Apple sell them iPhones.

"But then there was all this smoke and fire," Melfstein said, "and everybody just ran."

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Thursday, September 18, 2014

Rumored Tech "Project" Rumored To Be A Rumor

SAN JOSE, Calif.—(TYDN) A tech company's rumored far-reaching "project" is rumored not to exist anymore, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The alleged project's existence first began making its way across the Web a few months ago. But new rumors surfaced Thursday suggesting the original rumors were rumors.

The bungling rumored tech company is rumored to be located below in Silicon Valley. Photo: Peter Thoeny/TYDN
The revaluation that the rumor was just a rumor spun heads from Silicon Valley to Wall Street. And the latest rumors poked a needle through a nation that was sitting in anticipation of this rumored tech company's rumored project, according to several sources familiar with the newest rumor who spoke to TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the topic.

Analysts, speaking to TheYellowDailyNews, suggested Thursday's rumors were a blow to the rumored tech company. These analysts suggested the rumored company cannot innovate or even stay on track of its rumored business plan it was rumored to have shown a rumored venture capital firm.

"The rumor mill on this rumored tech company is only gonna get louder with this new rumor," said Mary Stockstein, a Smith Barney market analyst. "At least that's according to the latest rumors."

Jay Johns, the rumored spokesman for the rumored tech company, did not immediately return a call from TheYellowDailyNews seeking comment on the rumored project's rumored demise.

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Wednesday, September 17, 2014

At 0-2, Oakland Raiders Fans Already Looking to Next Season

OAKLAND, Calif.—(TYDN) Fans of the Oakland Raiders said Wednesday they are anxious for this terrible season to end and are already gloating that next season will be "their year," TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Fans, called the Raider Nation, gave up on the Raiders earlier than usual this season, just after the second game. That's because, in the words of Raiders defensive back Charles Woodson, the Raiders "suck." Usually, the Raider Nation pulls the plug at around game 6 or 7 and then begins glorifying the next season.

Raiders fans in the "Back Hole" are anxious to get the season over with. Photo: Julie, Dave & Family/TYDN
Coach Dennis Allen was delighted that so many fans were feeling so good about next year.

"It's definitely going to be their year," Allen said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "We have lofty expectations for the team next season."

The last time the team made the playoffs was 2002. The last time they won a Super Bowl was in 1983, when they were in Los Angeles.

Fans said the team needs some minor tinkering to be a Super Bowl contender next season.

"All they need is a new coaching staff, an ownership change, a quarterback, an offensive line, some running backs and a defense,"  Black Hole season ticket holder Miles Miltstein said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.  "I'm so stoked for next season."

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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Obama Blasts Newest Terrorist Group for Having Too Many Names

WASHINGTON—(TYDN) President Barack Obama chided Tuesday the militants from Syria who have just taken over parts of Iraq, saying they have breached international war rules by not settling on a single name, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Analysts said the modern-day confusion over identifying the country's terror enemies first began in 2001. That's when there was, and still is, no consensus on whether Al-Qaeda, Al-qaeda, Al Qaeda, Al qaeda, Al-Qaida, Al Qaida, al-Qaida or al Qaida carried out the 9/11 attacks on behalf of Usama Bin Laden or Osama Bin Laden.

"This is another reason why we need to take down this terror group. Is it ISIS, ISIL, Islamic State or something else," Obama said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "This is an unacceptable breach of international war norms."

Military strategists said the President Barack Obama administration should work toward a unified vision on how the country's latest enemy should be named.

"Once you get the public to agree on who your enemy is, it's a much easier public sale to wage war," Yale University war historian Angela Brewstein said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "The public doesn't usually need to know more than the fact that there is a consensus on what to call your enemy."

The militants often call themselves the Islamic State. The Obama administration labels them ISIL and many news organizations call them ISIS.

The acronyms stand for Islamic State in Iraq and for one other disputed word called "al-Sham." The word can be translated to "Syria" — meaning the group is called ISIS. However,  The term "al-Sham" can also reference a region encompassing Syria, Lebanon, Turkey and Jordan known as Greater Syria or the "Levant"—meaning the acronym is ISIL.

TheYellowDailyNews' editorial policy is ISIS, according to an editorial board memo from TheYellowDailyNews that was obtained by TheYellowDailyNews.

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