Sunday, September 11, 2016

Clinton, Trump agree not to call each other's supporters "jackasses" on Sept. 11

WASHINGTON—(TYDN) The Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton presidential campaigns, in a tribute to this nation 15 years following the deadliest attacks on US soil, jointly agreed Sunday to commemorate 9/11 by not insulting their rival's supporters for a day, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The agreement follows a volley of vitriol from both campaigns that have declared supporters on each side "jackasses," "giant jackasses," and "ginormous jackasses."

In a rare sign of unity, the two candidates issued a joint statement, exclusively to TheYellowDailyNews, explaining that it wouldn't be presidential for them to demean the public on the 15th anniversary of 9/11. "But make no mistake, we'll pick up where we left off the following day," the statement said.
Illustration: DonkeyHotey, for TYDN
Presidential historians said it was the first time candidates for the Oval Office decided not to trade insults following the 2012 elections, when President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney agreed not to declare one another a "gaping jackass" on 9/11.

"What Trump and Clinton are doing is absolutely remarkable: Both are exercising extreme patriotism on this day of remembrance," Harvard University historian Lee Dilstein said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "This brings up memories of the 2012 elections, when Obama and Romney put their political differences aside for the moment and stopped calling each other a 'gaping jackass' on 9/11."

Meantime, a TYDN-CNN poll released Sunday found that 99 percent of Trump supporters thought that voters supporting Clinton were "jackasses beyond belief." The same telephone survey found that 99 percent of Clinton backers believed that voters supporting Trump were "jackasses to no end."

The survey had a 0 percent margin of error.


Thursday, September 8, 2016

Apple says it took "courage" to demand sweatshop workers build iPhones without headphone ports

SAN FRANCISCO (TYDN)— Apple marketing chief Phil Schiller said Wednesday it took "courage" for the technology giant to get enough nerve to demand that the thousands of children enslaved in China factories produce its newest iPhone without a 3.5mm audio port, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

"The reason to move on: courage. The courage to move on and do something new that betters all of us," Schiller said onstage here at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium, as he announced that the new iPhone 7 would not come with a headphone jack.

"We were concerned that, if the assembly line workers objected, we would have had no recourse. What could we have done? We had no more room to dock their pay," Schiller said.
Phil Schiller explains "courage"

The 7,000 members of the Apple Faithful covering the iPhone unveiling fell head over heels. After all, Schiller's comments were a clear acknowledgement that Apple was finally taking human rights seriously, analysts said.

Now that Apple is removing the headphone jack, other phone makers will likely follow suit. That's another positive development for Chinese children working 16-hour days at overseas technology factories.

"This is a really great time to be a Chinese factory worker making mobile phones. Think about how much less cancerous dust the workers will have to breathe because they won't have to drill the headphone hole," Tina Stein, a human rights monitor for Amnesty International, told TheYellowDailyNews in an exclusive interview. "Apple's adoration for its factory workers takes my breath away."

Other analysts contacted by TheYellowDailyNews agreed—that Apple's decision to remove the headphone jack can only be good for assembly line workers.

"Apple has always been a leader, and now it is leading the charge for protecting the thousands of children who are slaving away building Apple products in dangerous conditions," technology analyst Jon Crackstein said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "Let there be no mistake, this is likely to reduce the suicide rate of Apple assembly line workers at the Foxconn sweatshops by 6.79 percent, or more."

Still, other analysts told TheYellowDailyNews that Apple's decision will increase employment opportunities for overseas factory workers. That's because Apple is moving from an open standard to a closed one when it comes to how headphones plug into its iPhone—in this instance via the charging port instead of a headphone jack.

"Think of all the new headphones everybody is gonna have to buy now," Smith-Barney analyst Anita Bornstein told TheYellowDailyNews in an exclusive interview. "Sure, Apple makes magical devices. But all of these new headphones aren't going to be built by magic. This is all about job creation."
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