Sunday, March 28, 2010

Pope Urges 'Bygones' in Man-Boy Sex Scandal

by Chester Botherling, TYDN Papal Affairs Writer
VATICAN CITY -- (TYDN) "Bygones," Pope Benedict XVI said during a pre-Easter homily here Sunday as he urged the world to forgive the Catholic Church for running history's largest man-boy child-sex ring, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The pontiff, who spoke in Latin, Italian and English to thousands of worshippers crowded here, urged forgiveness of a church that for centuries sanctioned priests and its elders to rape tens of thousands of innocent young boys.

Pope Benedict XVI said rapist priests
should be praised for not using condoms
Benedict, however, said the church should be applauded for sticking by a key tenet and forbidding its sodomizing priests from using condoms. And just as much as the church deplores homosexuality in its flock, the pope said the church is now adopting that position within its own ranks.

"These homosexual acts by our priests can no longer be tolerated, and for that we seek to let bygones be bygones," the Pope said to a cheering crowd. "But when it came to wearing rubbers, we stood by our conviction that birth control was the Mark of the Beast."

Vatican experts said the speech marked the first time the church has assured its millions of followers that it has been practicing what it was preaching by shunning birth control. Some analysts, however, said that the policy could open a Pandora's box of problems as the church migrates to sexually abusing girls.

Still, the Holy See urged the flock to redeem itself by paying for the church's sins through donating to its Sex-Abuse Legal Settlement Fund.

What's more, Benedict was praised for his candor when he said church members who have been informed of the sex scandal must cleanse themselves of "the sinful and shameful act of thinking about priests sexually exploiting young boys, some of whom were deaf, dumb and blind." The Pope said local churches throughout the world will hold extra collection-plate services Easter Sunday to enable followers to rid their minds of the "shameful thoughts of priests sodomizing frightened boys."

Following the pope's 45-minute homily, the Vatican issued a decree to its hundreds of thousands of parishes to begin adapting after-school "altar girl" programs to reassure the flock of "the church's sincerest promise that it would no longer tolerate unspeakable acts against churchgoers' sons."

Photo: Sam Herd

4 comments :

  1. Pope Benedict XVI is like the US gov't and millitary ... "Don't Ask, Don't Tell".

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bastards. They should get fucked with a drill, what a bunch of freaks "talking the word of god".

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bad enough you have to pay for your own "Sin's of the Flesh" Now your asked to Pay for Theirs?

    The Pope said local churches throughout the world will hold extra collection-plate services Easter Sunday to enable followers to rid their minds of the "shameful thoughts of priests sodomizing frightened boys."

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi there,

    In 1998, I sexually assaulted myself with a comb handle. And I enjoyed it.

    In 1999, I graduated (with honours) to fingering my own asshole with my fingers (through socks).

    In 2001, I had started figging.

    the end.

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...