Monday, June 6, 2011

Auction Set for Bin Laden's Effects

by Thornhille Broom, TYDN Editor at Large
WASHINGTON -- (TYDN) The treasure trove of personal items and effects seized from Osama bin Laden as American forces assassinated the al-Qaeda chief last month are to be auctioned, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Sought-after items going to the highest bidder next month include "top-notch" print and video porn with titles like Virgins Rock and Suicide Virgins seized from the terrorist's Pakistani hideout; bin Laden's personal manifesto Theory and Practice: Talibanism and Porn Collecting; tens of thousands of bomb-making ingredients and instructions; and a draft of his latest treatise, Why Talibanism Allows Me to Collect Porn But Says You Should Be Killed For Having Porn.

The auction, to be conducted July 1 by the CIA on eBay, is expected to fetch substantially more than the $232,000 paid during an online auction last week for Unabomber Theodore Kaczynski's writings and other personal material seized from his Montana cabin, analysts noted in exclusive interviews with TheYellowDailyNews.

These analysts, continuing with their exclusive interviews with TheYellowDailyNews, said a key reason why is that bin Laden is responsible for killing thousands. The Unabomber, who had led the authorities on the nation's longest, costliest manhunt before his brother tipped off the police in 1996, only killed three people.

"I mean, come on, which stuff would you rather show off to your friends, the Unabomber's manifesto or bin Laden's porn collection?" John McCickey, a consignment director at Dallas-based Heritage Auctions, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "Let's face it, if it weren't for bin Laden, Kaczynski's stuff would have sold for a lot, lot more."

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Bin Laden Raid Yields Trove of Hardcore Porn

by Thornhille Broome, TYDN Editor at Large
WASHINGTON -- (TYDN) The assault force of Navy SEALs snatched a trove of hardcore pornography stored in computer drives and disks during their weekend raid on Osama bin Laden’s compound, yielding what a U.S. official Wednesday called "the mother lode of all porn collections," TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

"Top-notch" porn found in bin Laden's hideout
White House counterterrorism adviser John Brennan said the U.S. commandos who stormed the northern Pakistan compound where bin Laden had been holed up took "whatever material we thought was appropriate and what was needed."

The special operations forces grabbed personal computers, CDs, DVDs, thumb drives and electronic equipment during the lightning raid that killed bin Laden, he said. A task force was being set up at the CIA to comb through the evidence seized in the raid, according to a senior intelligence official who briefed TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity.

"You can't imagine what's on Osama bin Laden's hard drives and a giant stack of DVDs a mile high," one official connected to the assassination told TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity. "One hundred of our best men are examining the material in Afghanistan right now, hoping to uncover intelligence."

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

President's Popularity Wanes: Americans Wanted Bin Laden Killed Twice

by Clair Thurgood, TYDN Military Affairs Writer
NEW YORK -- (TYDN) President Barack Obama's popularity briefly spiked and then dramatically dropped early Tuesday, more than a day after the chief executive revealed the United States had killed Osama bin Laden only once, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

According to an exclusive TYDN telephone survey, with an error rating of plus-or-minus 3.5 percentage points, the president's polling numbers had dropped to their lowest level ever in the nation's first presidential survey following bin Laden's single assassination. Among other questions, the poll asked Americans whether they thought bin Laden's head should have been used in the next World Cup soccer match, or whether the terrorist should have been killed at least twice.

Bin Laden, whom the government believes was the mastermind behind the 2001 terror attacks on the United States, was killed by American forces in Pakistan in retaliation for the 3,000 dead Americans his 9/11 plot left behind. But the nationwide celebrations that erupted after the president's announcement late Sunday quickly turned to anger when Obama revealed the military had dumped bin Laden's body in the ocean instead of killing him a second time, according to the TYDN poll of 5,000 likely voters.

"Our survey showed that Americans are really angry at Obama for not killing him twice, and this may hurt his re-election bid," said TYDN pollster Heimrich Schmendrick, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "Remember, potential presidential rival Donald Trump has said all along that he would have killed bin Laden three times if he were in charge."

The TYDN survey found that 68 percent of those polled were disappointed with the president's handling of the bin Laden assassination because bin Laden was not killed at least twice. Another 15 percent were undecided on whether he should have been killed twice.

Some dovish respondents said bin Laden's head should have been placed in a vice and slowly tightened in front of a worldwide television audience.

About 10 percent of those polled had never heard of bin Laden.

Photo: secretagent007

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Japan Raises Nuclear Plant Crisis Severity to 11

By Hideus Nucleau, TYDN Nuclear Affairs Writer
TOKYO -- (TYDN) Japanese authorities on Wednesday raised the severity rating of the nuclear crisis at the Fukushima Daiichi power plant to one notch higher than the highest level on an international scale -- a rating greater than the 1986 Chernobyl disaster, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Officials from Japan's nuclear agency reclassified the ongoing emergency from Level 10, an "accident with off-site risk," to Level 11, "a major fucking accident."

At a Tokyo news conference, Hidehiko Nishiyama, the chief of Japan's Nuclear and Industrial Safety Agency, emphasized that radiation released from Fukushima amounted to barely enough radiation to "possibly" kill anyone exposed, compared to even more deadly radiation released from Chernobyl.

A Level 10 accident, according to the International Nuclear and Radiological Event Scale (INES), is typified by a "major release of radioactive material with widespread health and environmental effects." A Level 11 accident, according to the International Atomic Energy Association, is considered a "major fucking accident that makes us wonder why we harness nuclear power."

Masataka Shimizu, president of Tokyo Electric Power Company, TEPCO, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews that cleanup crews were working around the clock.

"We should have the contamination contained in about 10,000 years," Shimizu said.

Atomic energy experts, in exclusive interviews with TheYellowDailyNews, suggested Shimizu was being overly optimistic. The 12-mile radius surrounding the plant won't be contaminate-free for more than 12,000 years, these experts said in the exclusive interviews.

Once the contamination subsides, urban planners are mulling building homes, shopping malls and office complexes on the site, TheYellowDailyNews has learned. Some planners privately have suggested an amusement park.

But that plan has been tabled because the Walt Disney Co. won't build parks atop exploded atomic energy plants, according to internal documents reviewed by TheYellowDailyNews.

Prime Minister Naoto Kan, however, is proposing rebuilding a new nuclear plant over the old one, a proposal Kan insiders said was meant to give a boost to Tokyo Electric shares, which rebounded in after-hours trading.

"If there's another accident, man-made or environmental -- if you can separate the two distinctions -- the surrounding populace won't suffer as much because it's already been nuked generations before," he said in a televised address to the nation.

The reassessed severity rating to 11 applies to only three of Fukushima's six units -- Nos. 1, 2 and 3, which have all sustained core damage. Each of those, on March 18, had been initially given a Level 5 rating. At the same time last month Japan gave a Level 3 rating to unit 4, which remains unchanged.

The IAEA cautioned that Japan could still change its ratings as more information becomes available. Hironobu Unesaki, a professor at the Kyoto University Research Reactor Institute, said those reactors' levels should have been elevated sooner. The government, he said, is being too cautious in a bid not to cause public panic.

"These go to 11," he said.

Photo: Abode of Chaos