Thursday, October 30, 2008

Voter Guide: Do Not Name Sewage Plant After Bush

SAN FRANCISCO -- (TYDN) TheYellowDailyNews editorial board recommends "no" on Proposition R, which would rename this city's Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant the George W. Bush Sewage Plant.

Analysts said the measure's outcome is perhaps more important than the race for U.S. president and its implications for the war on Iraq, the economy, taxes, environment and the makeup of the U.S. Supreme Court.

But renaming a sewage plant after the nation's 44th president is an outright disrespect. Every morning, when the hundreds of thousands here grab the San Francisco Chronicle's comic section to perform their morning constitutional, they would be reminded of the Republican's eight-year term. That is unacceptable.

The measure would also set bad precedent.

If adopted, other cities may follow San Francisco's trend, forcing perhaps millions more Americans to relive -- or relieve -- the Bush administration every morning. That is unacceptable.

Then there are the unintended consequences of Proposition R, especially as it applies to children. So for children's sake, vote no on Proposition R.

Children's minds are fragile, and we fear that associating a natural bodily function with the Bush administration could have wide-ranging implications for American potty training. Children may find it more comfortable to stay in diapers. Bigger kids could get into the bad habit of saying they need to take "a George."

This measure is just another ploy by Procter & Gamble and other diaper makers to sell more diapers.

On Tuesday, vote no on Proposition R.

Photo: lorelei

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

McCain Blasts Obama ‘Robin-Hoodism’ School Essay

HERSHEY, Pa. -- (TYDN) Citing evidence of his presidential rival's extremist economic position, the McCain campaign on Wednesday offered a sixth-grade essay in which Sen. Barack Obama had wished "all boys and girls had a roof over their heads, enough food to eat and a basketball hoop."

Sen. John McCain of Arizona, the Republican presidential nominee, pounced on the 35-year-old essay in which Obama, now 47, submitted as part of an extra-credit assignment to his sixth-grade teacher, Mrs. Peters.

At a rally here, McCain said the essay showed that Obama, a Democratic senator from Illinois, "believes in redistributing wealth, not in policies that grow our economy and create jobs."

Later in the day, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, McCain said "This is Robin-Hoodism at its finest. I bet Robin Hood was Obama's favorite boyhood mythical figure."

Obama campaign operatives, however, attempted to distance the candidate from the essay.

"He was a child when he wrote this and his intention was not Robin-Hoodism," campaign spokesman Bill Burton said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

Analysts said the essay is likely to resonate with voters. The electorate is concerned that, under an Obama administration, government operatives would be permitted to remove food from Americans' refrigerators and "redistribute this food to the hungry in ways that teaches people to eat without creating jobs," Harry Jeffers, a Cal State Fullerton revisionist historian, told TheYellowDailyNews in an exclusive interview.

McCain's poll numbers soared 15 points after the essay's disclosure here early Wednesday.

According to an Associated Press-TheYellowDailyNews survey of likely voters, undecided voters said they would certainly ballot for McCain. The survey also found that at least 8 percent of Obama supporters are now switching â.. giving McCain a 5-point advantage with just a week before Election Day. The survey had a margin of error rating of 0 percentage points.

Meanwhile, an Obama insider, speaking on condition of anonymity because the campaign did not authorize him to speak, said the essay's revelation took the campaign by surprise. "We had repeatedly asked the candidate whether he had anything to hide, and in that vetting process, he said he didn't," the operative said.

Obama's 1-page essay, which made the rounds on conservative websites in an edited form and was posted on YouTube, probed the then-sixth-grader's views on a question posited by his teacher: "How could the world be a better place," according to teacher Mrs. Peters, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

"I always thought he was one of those lefties, and when he wrote that socialistic essay, I knew he was different from all the other boys and girls," Mrs. Peters said.

McCain's running mate, Gov. Sarah Palin of Alaska, also blasted the essay. "Hockey moms should stand up to Obama's universal basketball hoop plan," Palin said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.


Sunday, October 26, 2008

Economy Fixed Under McCain Anti-Flag Burning Plan

WASHINGTON -- (TYDN) Sen. John McCain proposed an anti-flag burning law late Sunday in what Republican strategists and many analysts acknowledged was a surefire way to heal the faltering economy.

Futures on the New York Stock Exchange soared 500 points late Sunday after McCain's proposal blindsided his presidential rival, Sen. Barack Obama, who instead was focusing on proposals for job creation and ending the war in Iraq. Later in the day, Obama spent hours trying to recover from the McCain proposal, which bumped McCain's poll numbers to a dead heat race â.. almost a 10-point jump.

Analysts said it was the first time in U.S. electoral history a presidential candidate proposed a guaranteed fix-all to cure economic hard times with just days before the election. Revisionist historian Harry Jeffers of Cal State Fullerton said the proposal, certain to pass in both the House and Senate, "was the most brilliant economic stimulus package the nation has ever seen."

McCain, after meeting all day here early Sunday with his campaign operatives, unveiled the anti-flag burning package at a time when most Americans' 401k retirement plans and stock portfolios have been decimated in the wake of Congress' blind eye to a free-market system that plundered the economy.

"That the futures market is already soaring on my proposal underscores that our economy's doldrums are over," the swaggering Republican senator from Arizona told supporters at a campaign speech at the Lincoln Memorial. "The destruction of Old Glory cannot be tolerated."

Flag-burning scofflaws face a maximum 10-year federal prison term. Flag burning in public carries a maximum 15 years and flag burning in a group of three or more people is punishable by at least 20 years.

Obama, the Democratic candidate from Illinois, said McCain's proposal was weak. "In our nation, offenders are sentenced to 50 years or more for stealing golf clubs. That McCain only wants to send flag burners away for 20 years underscores that his proposal is weak on the economy, weak on patriotism and won't stimulate the economy as much as he thinks," Obama said.

Despite assurances from McCain that the proposal was an economic panacea, the American Civil Liberties Union balked. The ACLU said the proposal does not provide exceptions for Boy Scouts disposing of worn out flags, or for rape victims whose attackers force them to ignite Old Glory.

Photo: jenhx

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Analysis: Palin Looks Same Despite Clothing Upgrade

WASHINGTON -- (TYDN) Vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin's look has not changed measurable from her "Working Girl" formula of authoritative jackets paired with feminine skirts, according to an in-depth analysis by TheYellowDailyNews.

Despite Republicans spending about $150,000 to upgrade her wardrobe, TheYellowDailyNews' examination found that Palin looked essentially identical to before the wardrobe makeover.

That Palin's look remains virtually unchanged has many analysts wondering whether she's fit to be elected president-in-waiting. The trips to Neiman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue amounted to a switch to designer versions of clothing she was already wearing with no discernible difference, the investigation by TheYellowDailyNews concluded.

"My first reaction when I heard about this was, 'Honey, I could have dressed you for a lot less than that,'" said Cindi Leive, the editor in chief of Vogue magazine. "Most of her bracelet sleeve jackets are so generic-looking that they could have come from any of the favored designers of Washington politicians: Oscar de la Renta, Escada and St. John."

In a joint Vogue-TheYellowDailyNews survey of likely voters, 72 percent of respondents said Palin paid too much.

TheYellowDailyNews' analysis, the nation's first, comes at a time when Palin's looks have grabbed as much or more attention than her conservative political views. Pakistan's new president, Asif Ali Zardari, called Palin gorgeous when he met her weeks ago. Readers of the men's magazine Maxim voted her one of the planet's sexiest politicians.

Good-looking, cute, even "hot" -- these are just some adjectives used to describe Republican presidential candidate John McCain's running mate, even as some commentators and party insiders question her competence to serve while others call the obsession with her appearance sexism.

Other analysts said the $150,000 spent on new clothes could help stimulate the economy.

"There's no upside to looking frumpy or dowdy," said Simon Doonan, creative director for the New York-based fashion house Henry Bendel.

Glamour magazine publisher Harriett Volgsprada also questioned Palin's fitness to lead.

"The square ivory jacket she wore during her acceptance speech at the Republican Convention was a $2,500 silk shantung Valentino from Saks," Volgsprada said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "But the black wrap jacket she wore for the vice-presidential debate in St. Louis was a Tahari suit that costs less than $200. And don't get me started on those red imitation croc pumps from Kate Spade."

Photos: geerlingguy

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

McCain, Obama Label Each Other ‘Jackass’

WASHINGTON -- (TYDN) Presidential rivals Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain turned on their vitriol meters Tuesday, labeling each other a "jackass" unfit to be the United States' commander in chief.

The jawboning came exactly two weeks ahead of the Nov. 4 general election. Revisionist historians said it was the first time in U.S. presidential politics that the candidates publicly used the J-word.

Many analysts applauded the candidates for their self control, for not publicly using more extreme profanity to describe their opponents. But other analysts suggested a level of disingenuousness from the candidates.

"You mean to tell me these guys only think the other one is only a big jackass?" asked Cal State Fullerton revisionist historian Harry Jeffers. "I don't think so. And I think the voters can see right through that."

A majority of likely voters polled by TheYellowDailyNews said they believed the candidates were, at a minimum, "a complete jackass." About 30 percent of respondents used language the Federal Communications Commission has prohibited TheYellowDailyNews from printing. The survey had a margin of error rate of 0 percentage points.

McCain, speaking here on his first of a multi-state, whistle-stop tour early Tuesday, said "Barack Obama is a big jackass terrorist and ignorant socialist." McCain said he himself was not a socialist because when he approved the $700 billion bailout, he envisioned taxpayers' money only going to Wall Street executives, not "an across-the-board wealth redistribution plan.

Aides were careful to review the speech with McCain several times, to assure themselves that McCain would not call Obama the N-word.

Later in Miami, Obama decried McCain as "a gigantic jackass Michelin-Man-lookalike, who is too weak to even lift his arms above his shoulders." Aides were careful to review the speech with Obama several times, to assure themselves that Obama would not call McCain an "aging jackass."

McCain countered hours later in Raleigh, N.C. He decried Obama as "a super-duper, supersized and gaping jackass." In Harrisburg, Pa., Obama called McCain a "jackass multiplied by infinity, to the third power."

Sunday, October 19, 2008

TYDN Editorial: Voters are Losers

NEW YORK -- (TYDN) In two weeks, millions of Americans will line up outside polling booths to cast a ballot for U.S. president.

Afterward, many of those voters will show up to their jobs adorning stickers displaying, "I voted." The stickers, however, should say, "I'm a loser."

There are several reasons why voters are losers and non-voters are not. Among them, those that don't vote get huge bragging rights to complain when the elected leader screws up.

No matter which candidate wins, the tens of millions of loser-voters bought into the false promises that the winning candidate would bring change, and would be different from his opponent and successor.

Another plus of not being a voter is you don't have to worry about embarrassing moments like outing yourself as a loser if you're spotted by friends or neighbors at the local polling station.

And then there's the loser-voters whom think his or hers vote is actually counted. As allegations of voter fraud are certain to be made Election Day, those that don't vote are comfortable knowing that their non-vote is certain not to be counted.

But there's millions upon millions of loser-voters whom will be confronted with the nightmarish and psychological unease of wondering whether their vote was counted, or whether it was at the bottom of the Hudson River.

And even if ballots are recovered from the Hudson River, it's likely that it won't matter -- even if they're counted. When President Bush beat Al Gore in 2000, for example, the losing candidate had received 543,816 more popular votes than did the winner.

On Election Day, TheYellowDailyNews recommends don't be a loser.

Photo: voxefx

Thursday, October 16, 2008

FBI Investigating Obama, McCain for Voter Fraud

WASHINGTON -- (TYDN) Federal authorities are investigating the presidential campaigns of Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain on allegations of participating in a far-reaching election scandal, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

At least six sources within the Federal Bureau of Investigation told TheYellowDailyNews early Friday that the ongoing probe, less than three weeks from the 2008 general election, concerns a series of allegedly false statements the candidates have repeatedly uttered to voters.

The wide-ranging FBI inquiry marks the first time in U.S. electoral history that presidential candidates have caught the eye of federal authorities for their alleged misstatements, half-truths and outright lies. The probe's outcome, not expected for at least 18 months, is seen as having broad implications for McCain or Obama in the 2012 presidential elections.

Sources said the investigation is focused on possible fraudulent statements the candidates and their running mates have made concerning history, monetary policy, foreign policy, the economy, the Iraq war, health care, the housing crisis, national security, taxes, the environment, energy, religion, abortion, geography, gay marriage, education, terrorism and patriotism.

"We're reviewing transcripts of the political conventions, footage of their campaign stops and combing through press clippings to determine if a fraud on the electorate is being committed," said one FBI source with knowledge of the investigation, who spoke on condition of anonymity. "While the probe is in its early stages, it's beginning to look like voters are being defrauded at an unprecedented level."

Republican and Democratic strategists, in exclusive interviews with TheYellowDailyNews, told TheYellowDailyNews that their respective candidates would be vindicated.

"There is no basis in reality for this probe, at least insofar as McCain is concerned," said a McCain operative, who requested anonymity because the McCain campaign did not authorize him to speak. "How can you question that we're for winning the Iraq war, that McCain opposes taxes, that he's for housing, a sound economy, and a strong national defense and for protecting the homeland, environment and so forth?"

An Obama campaign operative, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the Obama campaign did not authorize him to speak, disagreed with the McCain operative.

"The only voter defrauder in this campaign is McCain," the Obama operative said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "How can you question that we're for winning the Iraq war, that Obama opposes taxes, that he's for housing, a sound economy, and a strong national defense and for protecting the homeland, environment and so forth?"

Voter rights groups, whose members are frantically fighting for their economic survival, could not be immediately reached to comment on TheYellowDailyNews' revelation of the FBI's presidential fraud examination.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

McCain, Obama Drop Out of Presidential Race

WASHINGTON -- (TYDN) Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain announced Thursday they were dropping out of the presidential race, in what both campaigns said was in response to voters being "utterly annoyed by them."

The decisions, a day after their third and final debate, came after the candidates concluded voters were tired of whining by them and their running mates. Most important, according to an independent poll conducted by TheYellowDailyNews, CNN, ABC, The New York Times and Wall Street Journal, roughly 95 percent of likely voters said they wanted the two major party candidates to drop dead so they wouldn't have to listen to them anymore. The survey had a margin of error rate of 0 percentage points.

The announcements were followed by the third-party candidates also dropping out amid fears of assuming the presidency in President Bush's shadow.

Revisionist historians said the succession of dropouts marked the first time in U.S. history that Mickey Mouse, grandma and other write-in candidates are expected to win the presidency. The Dow Jones Industrial Average soared 721 points, fueled by investor optimism that a competent leader might succeed Bush.

At a joint news conference here, the two major party candidates -- Obama and McCain -- informed the nation of their decisions to put their country ahead of politics.

"I have always said that I did not want to win an election while losing a country," McCain, the Republican from Arizona, wrote in a statement handed to reporters after his advisers concluded the public could not stomach his voice anymore. "My opponent was against the surge."

For his part, Obama, the Democrat from Illinois, said he was dropping out of the race because he could not stand to hear himself speak anymore. "I'm opposed to everything my opponent stands for," Obama, speaking through a sign-language interpreter, told reporters here. "That my opponent dropped out underscores why I'm dropping out."

Independent candidate Ralph Nader and the handful of other third-party candidates immediately exited the race, too. "Hell, do you think I want to take over what the Bush administration has left behind," Nader asked in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "I perpetually run in these elections to toy with the results without any intention of actually becoming president."

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Homeless Taking Economy in Stride

SAN FRANCISCO -- (TYDN) Johnny Danzig lifts his vodka pint he stole at a nearby liquor store here, gazes at it momentarily before finishing it in one gulp. It's a scene that has repeated itself almost daily for decades.

Danzig, and the millions of other homeless Americans like him, has remained unscathed from the world financial crisis, a testament to what the Bush administration says underscores the strength and resiliency of the U.S. economy. Danzig, 52, who hasn't shaved or bathed for months, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews that he was untouched by the faltering economy and housing crisis.

Pointing to his cardboard shanty folded into his stolen shopping cart, he boasted that the banks weren't going to take his house he usually sets up each night in San Francisco's North Beach district. And he says he's been careful not to rack up any debt. He owns all of his belongings including the foul-smelling, disintegrating and lice-ridden clothes on his back.

"I've weathered many recessions. The first one I lost my family, and the second one my house, job and dignity," Danzig said. "This recession isn't really having an impact on me."

President Bush, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, said the example of Danzig and millions of others like him shows that the economy is strong, that the recession's impact is not even touching a growing segment of U.S. society.

"Let this be a lesson that the economy is strong, that this downturn has bypassed millions of Americans," Bush said. "And every day countless more are added to the list of Americans bypassed by this faltering economy that the Democrats created."

Cal State University Fullerton revisionist historian Harry Jeffrey, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, applauded the Bush administration's monetary policy of bailing out Wall Street, the nation's banks and automakers â.. a bailout totaling trillions of taxpayer dollars.

"Clearly, the ranks of the homeless are beginning to swell, and this shows that the Bush administration has done a tremendous job shielding more and more Americans from the recession," Jeffrey said.

Photo: alan(ator)

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Dow Soars 5 Points as Fed Buys NY Stock Exchange

NEW YORK -- (TYDN) Seeking to stoke investor confidence, the U.S. government purchased the New York Stock Exchange early Friday and agreed to guarantee every issued stock in a deal valued at $100 trillion, approximately 30 times the nation's annual budget.

The purchase also calls for the doubling of valuation of every share issued to lawmakers, corporate executives and their board members. The deal follows the $700 billion bailout of Wall Street investment firms, the $100 billion bailout of American Insurance Group, the government's $200 billion takeover of the nation's mortgage industry and the $25 million bailout of the U.S. auto industry.

"Private profits with public risk is the American Way. And under my leadership, the economy is under total control," President Bush said as he rang the exchange's opening bell. "These facts should stoke massive confidence in the free market at home and abroad. "

The House and Senate approved the stock market's purchase after suspending deforestation rules. The suspension provided for the immediate cutting of ancient redwoods in Northern California to secure a paper source large enough to feed U.S. Mint printing presses.

"The environmentalists, as always, were fighting us on this and putting these centuries-old trees above innovation and the economy," Bush told TheYellowDailyNews in an exclusive interview. "Where do these environmentalists think money comes from?"

Bush advisers, meanwhile, were meeting here with New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg. Administration sources, speaking on condition of anonymity, were seeking guidance about whether Bush should suspend the U.S. Constitution to remain in office for a third term "to continue steering the nation's prosperity."

The Dow Jones Industrial Average soured 5 points on news of the exchange's takeover. On Thursday, the Dow tumbled 679 points to its lowest level in five years.

The Dow has lost 5,585 points, or 39.4 percent in response to the nation slowly coming to uncertain grips that Bush's popular presidency is ending in January, analysts said.

"The public is deeply concerned that a Barack Obama or a John McCain is going to assume the presidency and muck up the economy and the country's standing as the leader in free-market principles," said Harold Jeffries, a California State University Fullerton revisionist historian. "Under Bush, the federal government is in complete control of the economy."

Photo epicharmus

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

McCain, Obama Spar: Public Declared Debate Loser

NASHVILLE, Tenn. -- (TYDN) Presidential candidates Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain clashed repeatedly here Tuesday on the economy, taxes, national security, Iraq and energy. The judges stopped the fight 90 minutes later, declaring every American, those born or unborn, the loser.

During an early round, as the crowd began repeatedly shouting "700 billion dollar bailout," the referee stepped in to untangle the two after each kept screaming "I'm for more regulation than you. I'm the true regulator."

McCain came out swinging, landing a right-handed blow when he blamed his Democratic challenger and his liberal, trickle-up party for creating the financial crisis by wanting "to give home loans to the middle class at taxpayers' expense."

Obama regained his composure, landing a left-handed uppercut when he chided his Republican challenger and his trickle-down party for "creating the financial crisis by being in bed with Wall Street executives, for lighting their cigars with $100 bills at taxpayers' expense."

Ringside analysts, however, said the fight appeared to be staged like a World Wrestling Entertainment match. They said there did not appear to be any substance in the candidates' blows.

"They were certainly throwing blows, but none of them were landing," said boxing analyst Al Pugilis, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "It really looked like they were wailing on each other. But it took a few minutes before it started to become clear there was really nothing behind their punches."

A few rounds later, when it came to taxes, Obama looked like he landed a powerful blow to McCain's belly when Obama said, "I promise to waste less middle-class taxpayer money than you."

But McCain countered, landing a strong right to Obama's jaw, saying he would waste less of taxpayers' money than would his opponent. "I can't waste more taxpayer money than you because I promise not to tax the upper class," McCain cried.

All the while, network analysts were commenting on the consequences of Obama and McCain both wearing the same costume: white boxing shorts and black shoes. "Americans will be talking about their outfits for weeks," CBS anchor Katie Couric said. "I think this will make it harder for the electorate to decide on Election Day."

On the terrorism front, each candidate landed several jabs during the seventh round. "I would initiate nuclear war and blow up the world five times over to protect Americans' security," Obama said as he peppered his rival with jabs to the face before McCain landed a counterpunch to Obama's groin.

As the crowd breathed a collective "OOOOOhhhhhhhhhh," McCain hit his opponent again, saying as a Republican president "I would blow up the world at least six, perhaps seven times to protect America from terrorist aggressors -- all of which backs my statements that I would refuse to negotiate with terrorists."

During the mandatory, 2-minute commercial break before the final round, the candidates from their respective corners shouted at one another that America needs to focus on alternative fuels while at the same time feverishly drilling for new oil sources. But many Americans did not see the highly volatile exchange as the networks were airing advertisements for beer, Viagra, or a host of other prescription drugs highlighting Americans' inadequacies.

The final bell rang as the candidates were jibbing and jabbing about their plans for victory in Iraq.

IllustrationJon Snyder

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Bank Bailout Removes ‘Incumbent’ From Voter Ballots

WASHINGTON -- (TYDN) The $700 billion Wall Street bailout gained enough votes after language was slipped into the 400-page package removing "incumbent" next to lawmakers' names on the November ballot, according to an investigation by TheYellowDailyNews.

The so-called "removal" language was tucked next to text in the bill increasing from $100,000 to $250,000 the amount the federal government would insure bank deposits. Lawmakers, including presidential candidates Barack Obama and John McCain, said publicly that increasing the insurance amount for one year was the "sweetener" that salvaged the deal President Bush signed Friday.

But according to interviews and a reading of the bill by TheYellowDailyNews, the House agreed to the final deal Friday after lawmakers were promised that the word "incumbent" would be removed next to their names on ballots during next month's elections.

Revisionist historians said the deal saved U.S.-based capitalism and underscored how Democracy, and its transparency, works for America.

"These lawmakers are so altruistic that when they saved America with the bailout vote, they decided that they didn't want voters to know that, especially come next month's election," said Harold Jeffreys, a former Nixon administration official who teaches history at California State University, Fullerton.

Lawmakers agreed, saying the move underscores that Democracy works.

"Transforming our economy took a lot of backroom negotiations that not even the general public needed to know about," said one lawmaker, who requested anonymity because he did not wish to be seen as seeking credit for saving America. "We nationalized the nation's mortgage system and banking sector to save capitalism, and to do that we had to add some sweeteners to wary lawmakers who were waffling."

Election officials across the union's 50 states were informed of the changeover early Sunday after TheYellowDailyNews posted its investigation online.

The election officials were scrambling to alter already printed election ballots to remove "incumbent" just four weeks ahead of the November election, TheYellowDailyNews has learned. Millions of ballots likely would have to be burned and reprinted, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Several Senate and House challengers to incumbents in the November election said they were to file lawsuits demanding that ballots retain the word "incumbent." The lawsuits seek to nullify the hundreds of pending lawsuits alleging that the term "incumbent" should be removed from ballots because the term is biased in favor of incumbents.

Several federal lawmakers, however, said they were surprised that the word "incumbent" was being removed next to their names on ballots. "I honestly had no idea what I was voting for," said many of the lawmakers, who requested anonymity and were granted anonymity by TheYellowDailyNews.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

A (TYDN) Special Feature: U.S. Veterans Readying to Thwart $700 Billion Homeland Communist Insurgency

CAMARILLO, Calif. -- (TYDN) The smoke rings hovered from David Smith's yellowing mouth, growing in diameter before crumbling and disappearing into the pocked ceiling at the American Legion outpost here.

Smith, 55, takes another drag from his pipe and washes it down with a flat Pabst Blue Ribbon. The smoke rings floated again, a scene that has repeated itself here for decades following the U.S. Army enlistee's loss of both legs fighting the communist aggression in Vietnam.

Smith is one of dozens of disenchanted veterans at American Legion Post 741 here in this Southern California bedroom community. Along with thousands of veterans across America, they are readying to take up arms again to fight for their country.

This time, they say, the scourge of communism is homegrown. It started with the U.S. government's decision to spend more than $700 billion of taxpayer money to nationalize the federal banking system.

"What's next? Are they going to take over the hospitals, the mines and the oil fields?" asked Smith as he clenched his assault rifle and readied to wage guerilla warfare once again, this time from a wheelchair. "I killed men, women and children to keep communism from America. I lost my legs, family and house -- all for what?"

The Vietnam veterans -- many wearing their combat fatigues and others daydreaming of lives they never had -- said they could muster from within the compassion to forgive the blank stares they received when they came home some 40 years ago. They lived through the taunts of derelicts who did not understand their love of America, their sacrifices to keep the scourge that is communism from spilling across the globe and onto U.S. soil.

"Look at me. Where are my legs?" Smith screamed, his stumps still oozing from his 15th operation a month ago. "I was the homecoming king of my high school. After my legs blew off in the jungle, my wife left me for a draft dodger."

But these veterans in this Southern California outpost seemed more emboldened than ever. They've lived through the divorces, the delusions, the drug addictions, the phantom pains, the homelessness and the drunkenness.

The new enemy -- the U.S. government -- was within their borders. Those needing to be saved from the latest communist incursion are their neighbors, friends, family and, most of all, their fellow Americans -- even those Americans from the heartland whom do not understand that freedom is not free, that it takes sacrifices by the brave and those willing to kill.

Smith's shaking hands helped himself draw another puff from the cigarette that eventually burned his scarred forefingers. The bartender, a fellow Vietnam veteran who was lucky to have only lost one of his legs, poured him another Pabst.

"You aren't one of them pinko reporters like them commie federal government officials, are you?" the bartender demanded.

After a moment's discussion, the dozens of veterans here drifted behind a wood-paneled exit and underneath a wrinkled photograph of George W. Bush posing with Old Glory. Around the corner was a musty, smoke-filled stockroom filled with explosives and armaments.

The sour taste of their past began to fade. The caffeinated sweetness of renewed battle with the communists began to course threw their veins once more.

After all, they are freedom fighters. They are U.S. soldiers.

PhotoPaul L. Nettles