Friday, April 2, 2010

iPad Review: It's Orgasmic, Delicious, Sassy, Erotic

by Dylan Pear, TYDN Gadget Affairs Writer
Apple Inc.'s latest gadget, the iPad, offers an intoxicating, sensual and titillating user experience right from the start, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The iPad beckons to be groped from all sides, top to bottom
Our review found that foreplay with iPad is recommended, but not necessary. This deliciously curvaceous gadget gets turned on with minimal fingering, and can keep going for hours.

"We want to marry it," decried Wired's technology review blog, Gadget Lab. "Anything less is adultery."

A New York Times headline exclaimed, "Gadget Envy." Michael Arrington's TechCrunch said the "iPad blows" while Gizmodo proclaimed "This Sucks."

The iPad's neatly trimmed and glistening box opens to a quivering landscape begging to be groped over and again. Our testing included fingering iPad's pert body in many positions, even upside down. Its sweet scent kept up us coming for more. And we did.

The iPad's near-edible curves beckon to be fondled, to be pinched and to be stroked in just the right sultry positions.

By reason of necessity, this reporter began imagining baseball scores – all to no avail.

In the end, the iPad also performed well on our lap, on the desk, on the couch, on the bed and even on the breakfast table. It even performed well in a motor vehicle, both moving and parked.

The iPad likes it dirty, too. So avoid showering with it.

In all, we highly recommend this bold, erotic and sassy $500-plus gadget. It's not for the meager.

9 comments :

  1. Classic! Should be handy for that special time of the month as well!

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  2. mactard fanboys... such tools..

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  3. our agency creative dept had to help write this!

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  4. Wowza the iPad sounds like me. LOL

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  5. and just like every other review, nothing said. Drop the smoke-and-mirror bulls**t and tell us something of value. We already know Apple products are sexy (yeah, geek to the core) but because of its practical design and use, not because some spin doctor makes it sound more like a date with vibrator than a useful tool worth the hefty (?) price.

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  6. At least two of you don't get the joke.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Church of ScientologyApril 7, 2010 at 11:03 AM

    The Church of Scientology (USA) supports the Lib Dems in the UK General Election.

    We have published our reasons at the following URL.

    http://tinyurl.com/56tjyw

    ReplyDelete
  8. Get a sense of humor...genius!

    "and just like every other review, nothing said. Drop the smoke-and-mirror bulls**t and tell us something of value. We already know Apple products are sexy (yeah, geek to the core) but because of its practical design and use, not because some spin doctor makes it sound more like a date with vibrator than a useful tool worth the hefty (?) price."

    ReplyDelete