Monday, August 27, 2018

Pope Francis Demands Priests Wear Condoms When Sodomizing Children

VATICAN CITY—(TYDN) Pope Francis, in a bid to protect the safety of children, is now demanding pedophile priests wear condoms when sodomizing kids, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The move comes weeks after a grand jury in Pennsylvania concluded that hundreds of priests sexually abused some 1,000 children in a longstanding child-rape cover up. Pope Francis said it was unconscionable that children were exposed to the unprotected genitals of priests, and that unprotected sodomy should never happen again.
Pope Francis waves off allegations he isn't protecting kids from exposure to priests' genitalia. Photo: Long Thiên
"The children need protection from our pedophile ranks and my edict that priests wear condoms while sodomizing innocent children is a long-overdue measure toward that goal," the papal nuncio, who is fighting to keep his job, told the TheYellowDailyNews in an exclusive interview. "I apologize for not taking this needed action sooner."

High-ranking Vatican officials, however, told TheYellowDailyNews in exclusive interviews that the Pope was going too far, and that demanding priests wear condoms is a fundamental alteration of longstanding Catholic Church protocol that should not be tolerated.

"First he promised to reduce child-rape by 10 percent and now he wants priests to wear rubbers when raping children. This is unconscionable," a well-placed cardinal, requesting anonymity, told TheYellowDailyNews in an exclusive interview. "What's next? Is Pope Francis going to declare the confessional off-limits to child rape?"

Shares of Church & Dwight Company, the maker of the popular Trojan condom, soared in after-hours trading on the New York Stock Exchange.