Friday, March 30, 2012

Porn Stars Decry iPad Retina Display



CUPERTINO, Calif. -- (TYDN) Thousands of porn stars, some carrying placards reading "Apple Out of My Uterus," picketed outside Apple Inc. headquarters here Friday to protest the new high-resolution "retina display" iPads that analysts contend shows viewers "too much genitalia information," TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Police square off with porn stars protesting new iPad
The new iPad, with more than 3 million sold in three weeks, sports a 9.7-inch screen with a 2048 x 1536 display -- about twice the quality of an HD television. That's enough pixels to show porn starlets' every pimple, mole, pubic hair, stretch mark, dirty feet and even dental decay.

Analysts said the protest underscores an anomaly with the latest iPad, a device produced generally for porn viewing at home, in the park, on the subway or at work. That's because porn aficionados by the hundreds of thousands have stopped watching porn after having seen their favorite performers' imperfections displayed on the iPad3, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The iPad1 and the iPad2 were a boon for the porn industry, and now the iPad3 appears to be a bust for the $5 billion industry.

Baton-wielding, and tear-gas launching local police said they made as many as 100 arrests. Twelve scantily clad protestors were taken to nearby hospitals, and were treated and released for minor injuries, the authorities said.

"Christ, a lot of people thought porn stars' bodies were so perfect that they were next to God," porn analyst Peter North said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "That is until now with the new iPad. It's showing too much genitalia information, and it's starting to turn a lot of porn addicts off."

Apple shares tumbled in after-hours trading as news of the protest spread.

Porn starlet Cherry Garcia-Viagra, one of the picketers, said the newest iPad routinely highlights razor burns in her pubic region. "This makes it harder and harder for me to play the role of a 13-year-old virgin," Garcia-Viagra, the star of Teenies Do Weenies, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

In response to the picketing, Apple CEO Tim Cook said the gadget maker would donate 10,000 iPads to porn addicts to help them cure their addiction.

Meanwhile, state lawmakers across the country are mulling legislation requiring sex offenders to keep a fully charged iPad3 in their residences at all times.

Photo: Adam Scotti/Flickr

1 comment:

Mrs. G2 said...

oh please, I'll still "do" a full frontal!