Thursday, October 15, 2009

Pilots Strike to Win Cockpit Napping Rights

Jennefier Duermas, TYDN Airline Affairs Writer
The nation's commercial airline pilots walked off the job late Thursday protesting the Federal Aviation Administration's ban on napping in the cockpit, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Pilot unions asserted there is reputable research supporting the theory that so-called controlled napping during flights can enhance safety by making crews more alert during descents and landings.

The proposed sleeping plan would allow one of a flight's two pilots to doze off in the cockpit for about an hour. The plan requires them to wake up before that allotted hour to avert a mid-air collision or free fall.

What's more, some pilot unions are also requesting conjugal visitation rights in the cockpit, and pilots have promised to perform cockpit sex as safely as they would fly the plane.

"It's not called the cockpit for nothing," said Dred Scottarski, a spokesman for the Southwest Airlines Pilots' Association, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

Scottarski said the pilots' demands amounted to fairness. "Millions of bored Americans are asleep at their jobs everyday and it's now time pilots catch up to their peers," Scottarski said. "Hell, planes pretty much fly themselves nowadays."

Aviation historians said it was the first time since February, 2008 pilots have walked off the job to protest the FAA's anti-sleeping policy. That is when both pilots of a regional jet flying to Hilo, Hawaii from Honolulu fell asleep at 21,000 feet for about 20 minutes as air-traffic controllers on the ground frantically tried to awaken them.

What's more, United Airlines Pilots' Association is fighting the reprimand of pilot Hiemrich Smendricks, who was suspended two weeks without pay for co-mingling work and union activity, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The union is challenging UAL's decision to bill Smendricks $100,000 to pay for hundreds of barf bags and to re-upholster dozens of passenger seats after he handed out fliers to Los Angeles-to-New York-bound travelers urging them to support the "Pilot's Sleeping Bill of Rights."

An FAA spokesman, meanwhile, said the agency is reviewing the pilot unions' petition for napping and conjugal visitation rights. "The administration's commissioners are going to sleep on the request for a day or two," said Avery Plano, an FAA spokeswoman, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

Avery said bowing to the pilots' demands would likely require the FAA to extend the same benefits to truckers, railroad engineers and subway operators.

Photo: Individuo

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

'Ambitious Story Ideas' Win TYDN Pulitzer

by Julie Pretzel, TYDN Media Affairs Critic
NEW YORK -- (TYDN) TheYellowDailyNews was awarded the Pulitzer Prize on Tuesday in a new journalism category focusing on newsrooms with "ambitious story ideas" even though those plans never make it to print, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The New York-based Pulitzer board, taking its direction from the Oslo-based Nobel Peace Price committee that awarded President Barack Obama the top peace prize on Friday, said in a statement obtained by TheYellowDailyNews that TheYellowDailyNews' drive to "uncover graft in every corner of government in every city, county, state and federal building across the United States was a goal of laudable, and monstrous proportions."

The Pulitzer board said that, even though TheYellowDailyNews never embarked on those goals, having those goals nevertheless equated to deserving journalism's top prize.

"Wanting to expose government graft is the Holy Grail of journalism, regardless of whether you expose graft," Richard A. Oppel, the board's chairman, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "These are, by definition, ambitious story ideas."

Finishing a close second were several news outlets, including The Los Angeles Times, which earned an honorable mention for its ambition to be the first to report that Michael Jackson was still dead, weeks after his June 25th death.

The announcement that TheYellowDailyNews had won, which was first reported on TheYellowDailyNews' website, came the same day the Nobel committee defended its days-old and much-criticized decision to award Obama the Nobel Peace Prize.

The Nobel committee granted him the Nobel in light of his calls for peace and cooperation, to reduce the world stock of nuclear arms, to ease U.S. conflicts with Muslim nations, to strengthen the U.S. role in combating climate change, to knock down the Berlin Wall again, and to invite women to his White House pickup basketball games.

"We simply disagree that he has done nothing," Nobel committee chairman Thorbjoern Jagland said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "On the same day we awarded him this prize of peace, for example, his administration was mulling sending 40,000 more 'peacekeepers' to Afghanistan."

Thonrhille Broome, an editor at large for TheYellowDailyNews, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews that the news outlet was pleased with the Pulitzer board's decision.

"Although we know we have our critics, we were going to pursue the story once we got done researching the addresses of every city, county, state and federal building in America," Broome said. "Our researchers are combing through a football-field size pile of phone books right now to get those locations."

Broome said TheYellowDailyNews, a wholly owned subsidiary of TheYellowDailyNews LLC, was hoping to get an Internet connection perhaps as early as next year.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Americans Say Healthcare for All is Communism

By Victor Kremlinski, TYDN Health Affairs Writer
BEND, Ore. -- (TYDN) Everywhere President Barack Obama goes to tout his healthcare reform bill, he's greeted with the awe and fascination associated with the U.S. presidency. But he's also being met by fierce opposition from ordinary Americans who say they'd rather become infected by an outbreak of the bubonic plague than see their loved ones or neighbors get subsidized medical treatment, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Nowhere was that sentiment more felt than here at the foot of the Cascades in this Southern Oregon skiing enclave, where most agree that Obama's plan amounts to communism. According to dozens of interviews conducted by TheYellowDailyNews, the majority of God-fearing Americans expressed alarm that Obama was going too far, that healthcare for all was simply unacceptable and goes against the grain of the American fabric.

"I'd just as soon as see my son catch the black plague from his schoolmates and die a horrific death than allow the government to become a Marxist regime and provide medical treatment that would have prevented the plague's outbreak in the first place," said David Applebee, an unemployed electrician who is receiving federal disability payments and food stamps after he was injured on the job. "I'd rather see every American lose an arm or become blind or come down with some God awful fever and die before caving into Sir Obama the Marxist."

That same mindset appears imbedded in all walks of life -- the rich and poor alike, according to TheYellowDailyNews' survey, the most exhaustive in the "I Hate Obama" space.

Consider, for a moment, Jackson Green, the president of Bend Savings, the local bank here that survived the economic meltdown with $775 million in federal bailout funds authorized under the George W. Bush administration. Green, who just received his annual $1.25 million bonus, said it was bad enough the government subsidizes school lunches.

"Now Obama wants to pay for American mooching bastards to have healthcare," he said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "Let the free market prevail and if they get sick and die and infect everybody along the way, so be it. There's a serious principle at stake. We're not Russia."

Still, others supported the plan but said it didn't go far enough.

Local striptease artist Candie Azucars, in an exclusive interview at the Double Trouble cabaret here, said it was outrageous, sexist and unfair that the plan would only subsidize a single-breast augmentation. She would be required to pay all out-of-pocket expenses for the other breast.

"This just shocks the conscience," she said as she fastened her 34D brassiere as she left the wooden stage. "I gotta pay for one of my breasts to be augmented and yet the boys at the Banana Sling House across the street are fully covered for their penis enlargement. This is just wrong and smacks of female discrimination."

Photo: purpleslog

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Condé Nast Spares Dozens of Bridal Mags

by Eric Magnakowskivitch, TYDN Bridal Affairs Writer
NEW YORK – (TYDN) The Condé Nast publishing house, falling victim to the recession, is shuttering two bride-related magazines but retaining dozens of others in the coveted bridal space, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Chuck Townsend, Condé Nast president, said in an exclusive interview late Tuesday with TheYellowDailyNews that the unit of Advance Publications was killing its Modern Bride and Elegant Bride titles so it could focus on its other niche, bride-related titles.

Amid a working lunch of lobster, crab, caviar, Dom Perignon and French fries in his private hot tub inside the lavish Condé Naste headquarters here, Townsend said the magazine concern would continue publishing its celebrated Condé Naste bride titles, including: Quaker Bride, Trophy Bride, Transgender Bride, Bowling Bride, LeftHanded Bride, RightHanded Bride, Architectural Bride, Pregnant Bride, Knocked Up Bride, Cheating Bride, Conniving Bride, Divorced Bride, Divorced Twice Bride, Divorced Three Times Bride, Soon-to-be Divorced Bride, Married Bride, Milf Bride, Cigar Bride, Menopausal Bride, Psycho Bride, Teen Bride, Child Bride, Girl Bride, Mom Bride, Grandma Bride, Hot Bride, Hottie Bride, Sizzling Bride, Smoking Bride, Porn Star Bride, Tattoo Bride, Woman Bride, Virgin Bride, NonVirgin Bride, Sixteen Bride, Seventeen Bride, Perfect Bride, Pert Bride, Fat Bride, Obese Bride, Soon-to-be Obese Bride, Two-Bag Bride, Ginormous Bride, Skinny Bride, Thin Bride, Waif Bride, Bulimic Bride, Drunk Bride, Meth Bride, Heroin Bride, Crack Bride, Alcoholic Bride, Lithium Bride, Sober Bride, Recovering Bride, Golf Bride, Vogue Bride, New York Bride, World Bride, Christian Bride, Jewish Bride, Catholic Bride, Atheist Bride, Ultra-Rich Bride, Rich Bride, Poor Bride, Destitute Bride, Homeless Bride, Cheap Bride, TechSavvy Bride, Luddite Bride, Conservative Bride, Liberal Bride, Republican Bride, Democratic Bride, Proletariat Bride, Socialist Bride, Bourgeois Bride, Happy Bride, Super Happy Bride, Ecstatic Bride, Melancholy Bride, I Hate My Parents Bride, Gay Bride, Lesbian Bride, Boy Bride and, among others, Man Bride.

"Condé Nast's success comes from the ability of our publications to attract readers with a wide range of interests, as well as advertisers who value them," Townsend said in the exclusive interview. "But in this economic climate it is important to narrow our focus to titles with the greatest prospects for long-term growth."

Analysts, however, expressed alarm over the elimination of Modern Bride and Elegant Bride. They said advertisers are likely to look to other publishers with a more clear focus on the bridal industry.

Townsend countered, saying the company was still focused on and committed to the bridal space. White Bride, Black Bride, Yellow Bride, Brown Bride, Ebony Bride, Hispanic Bride, Chinese Bride, Japanese Bride, Asian Bride, African Bride, African-American Bride and Irish Bride would increase in frequency from monthly to weekly, he said. "This should solidify us," he said, "as the most important brand when it comes to the all-important bridal genre, especially in the cutting edge, race-related bridal sector."

Photo: kattekrab

Thursday, October 1, 2009

States Embrace 'Reanimation' to Boost Execution Stats

By Thomas Cryonetic, TYDN Execution Affairs Writer
States are boosting their lethal execution numbers with the help of scientists reanimating condemned inmates moments after they have paid the ultimate price for their crimes, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

After being declared dead, the inmates are brought back to life before being lethally injected again – a two-pronged process sometimes undertaken several times, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The reanimations -- in which dozens of condemned men and women from California to Virginia have been executed more than once each -- is intended to show the public that the states are tough on crime, sources told TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity. Reanimation also gives surviving victims a chance to relish in the moment and witness the perpetrator of heinous acts die twice or more.

Penal historians said it was the first time the authorities have resorted to reanimation in an apparent bid to increase their execution numbers. Normally, the authorities plant and tamper with evidence or provide ineffective assistance of counsel.

The reanimations are also likely to give the U.S. Supreme Court another crack at capital punishment. The high court has ruled executing inmates is not a violation of the Eighth Amendment ban on cruel and unusual punishment. But the court has never addressed the constitutionality of repeated executions on the same inmate.

Crime victims groups, meanwhile, are urging the states to adopt a two-execution minimum for each condemned inmate to deter crime. Doctors groups, including the American Medical Association, expressed alarm over reports that some of its members on execution teams were using needles twice in one evening "without swabbing with rubbing alcohol," said Nancy Nielsen, AMA president."Such unsanitary executions violate the Hippocratic oath."

The American Civil Liberties Union, meanwhile, said the whole procedure was flawed and inhumane. "You cannot execute a man without giving him his last meal," Anthony Romero, the ACLU's executive director, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

What's more, the reanimation revelations, first reported by TheYellowDailyNews on its website, have left many ethicists scratching their heads, wondering whether states, including leading death-penalty state Texas, were fudging their huge execution numbers to look tough on crime.

"We were always wondering how Texas could have logged 441 executions in the last three decades alone," death penalty Chicago University ethicist Richard Lethalio told TheYellowDailyNews in an exclusive interview. "Planting evidence and appointing boneheaded public defenders is one thing, reanimating is another."

Still, Lethalio and other ethicists' initial concerns that the reanimation technique would be used to awaken the dead outside the execution chamber have subsided. The secret technique has been patented for use only in state-sanctioned executions.

Photo: Zaldylmg
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...