Friday, August 22, 2014

Shares of Molson Coors Brewing Co. Soar Following "Fat-Burning" Beer Debut

GOLDEN, Colo. — (TYDN) Shares of Canada's Molson Coors Brewing Co. more than doubled Friday after the brewer unveiled an alcoholic, "fat-burning" beverage, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Coors Svelte, a robust dark ale with a 6.9 percent alcohol content by volume, will begin rolling out in the West Coast and appear in commercials on sporting broadcasts and in nudie-magazine print campaigns. The women's ale, called Coors Waif, is a Belgium-style ale with a gravity of 5 percent alcohol, and includes what sources familiar with the beer described as "just a tinge of natural Orange flavorings."

Before becoming Coors Waif testers. Photo: Malingering
Analysts said the proprietary formula, which just finished positive clinical trials on humans and monkeys, is the "Holy Grail" of ingredients that beermakers have been searching for—especially in the United States—where every 10 out of 10 Americans are considered obese.

"Say goodbye to the beer belly," Bank of America beverage-industry analyst Chip Johnson said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "This is the mother of all inventions. No, it's the Holy Grail of inventions that makes the debut of light beer three decades ago seem simply irrelevant."

Nutritionists are recommending that those overweight drink at least a 6-pack a day and those "extremely" obese intake at least a 12-pack daily.

"We urge those undertaking this diet to exercise caution when operating heavy equipment," the American Heart Association said in an exclusive statement to TheYellowDailyNews.

The U.S. Department of Labor cautioned employees to consult with their employers before commencing what regulators are calling the "Beer Diet."

Shares of Molson Coors on the New York Stock Exchange closed higher at $151.29, more than doubling from Friday's opening bell. The stock was up another 10 percent in after-hours trading.
Three weeks after becoming Coors Waif testers. Photo Bruno Casonato

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Thursday, August 21, 2014

International Space Station Vending Machines Accepting Bitcoin

ABOARD INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION — (TYDN) Vending machines here in this 205-mile-high research terminal on Thursday began accepting the digital currency Bitcoin, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The development, announced by the five global space agencies that maintain the station including the National Aeronautics and Space Administration, marks the first time a vending machine in space accepted the controversial, crypto currency. The Russian Orbital Segment and the United States Orbital Segment of the station each will carry a vending machine using Bitcoin as the method of payment.

The machines, which last year replaced a cafeteria that shuttered from budget cuts, carry shortbread cookies, cheese spread, creamed spinach, candy coated peanuts, beef steak and crackers—all packed in heavily sealed plastic. Liquids include bottled water, milk, orange juice, vodka and Coors beer.

Food dispensed from a Bitcoin vending machine aboard International Space Station. Photo: TYDN
Analysts said the move to Bitcoin would make it easier for all astronauts aboard the 6-crew station to purchase their daily meals. The vending machines in the Russian and American segments had been only accepting their home country's currency, inflaming visiting astronauts from other nations who either went hungry or who had to beg for change.

But under the new food-service plan, a Bitcoin-like ATM machine aboard the station will dispense Bitcoin with the input of a credit card or any of the dozens of known currencies that astronauts' home nations might use.

Nations hosting the International Space Station, which include the United States, Russia, the European Union, Japan and Canada doubled the prices of vending machine foodstuffs Thursday in hopes of preventing a food fight like the one aboard the station last year.

The melee erupted after a Japanese astronaut aboard the station was criticizing the Russian government for granting NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden temporary residency. The Russian onboard retorted with harsh words on Japan's pro-whaling policy—and the station became a floating fortress of floating food.

No injuries were reported.

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Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Chinese Military DDoS Attack Knocks TYDN Offline, Sources Say

NEW YORK — (TYDN) The Federal Bureau of Investigation is probing Wednesday a suspected attack by the Chinese military on the popular news site TheYellowDailyNews, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The distributed, denial-of-service attack, known in Internet parlance as a DDoS attack, rendered the Pulitzer Prize-winning site offline for much of the day and into the evening Tuesday, sources familiar with the suspension of services told TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the topic.

Analysts said it was the first time TheYellowDailyNews went offline following a suspected attack ordered by the Chinese government. The site went dark for months last year after a prolonged DDoS attack by Romanian hackers.

Authorities are investigating this malicious code. Photo: Bryan Jones/TYDN
TheYellowDailyNews' latest server overload, FBI sources said, came milliseconds after TheYellowDailyNews published a report that China's government had hacked every major U.S. corporation, from Altria to Yahoo.

The story, quoting anonymous sources within the U.S. government, told TheYellowDailyNews:

"I'm about to say something that people think is an exaggeration, but I think the evidence is pretty strong," the source said in an exclusive interview. "Every major company in the United States has already been penetrated by China. My greatest fear is that, rather than having a cyber-Pearl Harbor event, we will instead have this death of a thousand cuts. Where we lose our competitiveness by having all of our research and development stolen by the Chinese. And we never really see the single event that makes us do something about it. That it's always just below our pain threshold. That company after company in the United States spends millions, hundreds of millions, in some cases billions of dollars on R&D and that information goes free to China....After a while you can't compete."

James Comey, the FBI director, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, would neither confirm nor deny the Chinese hack of corporate America, or the attack on TheYellowDailyNews.

Rather, Comey said, he was investigating whether a maintenance bungle by the IT Department of TheYellowDailyNews took the site offline for much of the day Tuesday.

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Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Actor-comedian Robin Williams Still Dead

TIBURON, Calif. — (TYDN) Robin Williams, the Oscar-winning comic and sitcom star who committed suicide last week is still dead, TheYellowDailyNews has learned. Williams was 63.

An autopsy Tuesday determined that Williams was still dead after hanging himself Aug. 12 in his mansion here in this exclusive neighborhood just north of San Francsico, sources with direct knowledge of Williams still being dead told TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the topic.

News that Williams, dubbed "the funniest man alive" by Entertainment Weekly, was still dead rocked a nation already hypnotized by the film and television star's untimely demise. Ongoing online tributes on Twitter, YouTube, Facebook and a constant network television news cycle greeted the news of Williams still being dead with more tributes, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Royal Cinema tribute to Williams still being dead. Photo: Sean Connors
At a hastily called Tuesday news conference, Marin County officials told reporters that, indeed, Williams was still dead from hanging himself with a belt, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Lt. Keith Boyd, assistant chief deputy coroner, told stunned onlookers that his official autopsy confirmed a preliminary autopsy that Williams was still dead.

"The result of the forensic examination reveals that Mr. Williams' life ended from asphyxia due to hanging," Boyd said. "The forensic examination did not reveal any injuries indicating that Williams had been in a struggle or any altercation prior to death. Mr. Williams, regrettably, is still dead."

The shock from the announcement that Williams was still dead reverberated across the globe. Some fans reacted with touching tributes.

Boston fans chalked tributes and the words that Williams spoke in Good Will Hunting around the bench where he and Matt Damon filmed a scene for the movie, creating a singular memorial. Chalk footprints of where Williams sat were drawn on the bench, right above famous quotes from the movie, such as "Your move, chief."

At Los Angeles' Laugh Factory, the marquee read: "Robin Williams Rest In Peace Make God Laugh. We're sorry you're still dead."

In Boulder, Colo., where Mork & Mindy was set, fans stopped by the Mork & Mindy "house" to pay tribute to Williams still being dead.

The comedian Steve Martin best summed up the reaction to Williams still being dead. "I could not be more stunned that the mensch, great talent, acting partner, genuine soul is still dead."

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Monday, August 18, 2014

EXCLUSIVE: iPhone 6 Packaging is "Drool-Worthy" Gorgeous

SAN FRANCISCO — (TYDN) The box encompassing the upcoming iPhone 6 is a "drool-worthy gorgeous" design that is sure to make unboxing aficionados salivate, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Industry sources, speaking to TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the topic, said the packaging for the latest iPhone will have four corners and be off-white. These sources, with direct knowledge of the packaging, also said the box will be emblazoned with the words "iPhone 6."

Photo: TYDN
Sources told TheYellowDailyNews that the top of the carton will also show a picture of Apple's latest smartphone, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Analysts said the box, if indeed a picture of the phone is atop it, would bring to six the number of iPhone versions in which the packaging contained a picture of the vaunted device.

"Apple has outdone itself with another drool-worthy gorgeous product packaging," analyst Charles Munster, with Smith Barney, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "I'm anticipating Apple will now sell 3 million more units because of this box's elegant design."

Apple is expected to unveil its new phone Sept. 9.

Reaction over the box from Apple fanboys was mixed.

Many members of the Cult of Mac were hoping for a black box, which would look much more sleek than a white box during their YouTube unboxing videos, according to exclusive interviews with TheYellowDailyNews.

"What is Apple thinking?" asked a disappointed Johnny Parslim, as he and thousands of others lined up outside the Apple retail store here ahead of the phone's launch in three weeks. "Christ, now I'm going to have to redo my unboxing video studio."

Others, however, couldn't wait to see the new, white box.

Rebecca Jornlorcho said she expects that the box will be "absolutely gorgeous." She can't wait to make her unboxing video.

"I might just live stream the box sitting there in all of its glory and unopened," she said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "I did that with my iPhone 5 last year and got 10 million hits."

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Friday, August 15, 2014

Family of Slain Ferguson, Mo. Teen Apologizes for Being African American

FERGUSON, Mo. — (TYDN) The family of an 18-year-old apologized Friday for being African American, saying Friday if they weren't black this suburban St. Louis community wouldn't be torn by the teen's shooting death and police wouldn't be under investigation, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

"Our hearts go out to the police department which is struggling with this ordeal, as are we," the family said in an exclusive statement to TheYellowDailyNews. "We feel terrible that our being black caused his death and brought this to our community."

The unarmed teen was shot multiple times by a white Ferguson police officer Sunday as the teen and another walked down a street. The death has prompted widespread protests here, reaction from President Barack Obama who said the episode was "heartbreaking," and an FBI investigation into the St. Louis County Police Department.

County Police Chief James Granitor said the department, which fired tear gas on protesters and deployed military tanks in the streets, said it was too early to consider the apology. The department, he said, was mulling whether to file a civil rights lawsuit against the family.

"The conduct here is simply outrageous," the chief said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

The slain teen was set to begin classes at a local community college.

Police said he attacked an officer. Eyewitnesses, however, dispute the police's account.

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Thursday, August 14, 2014

Gay, Transgender Groups Picket Google for Discriminating Against Homoglyphs

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. — (TYDN) Gay, lesbian and transgender groups descended en masse on Google's main campus here Thursday to protest the media giant's newly revealed discrimination against homoglyphs, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Police said as many as 200 protesters were arrested in the melee. More than a dozen others were injured and taken to local hospitals in one of the biggest Googleplex protests following Google's decision last month to alter the interface of its clock app in the latest Android operating system.

On Thursday, Google's headquarters here was a tinderbox. Hundreds of protesters were seen carrying placards reading "Google Hates Homoglyphs;" "Shame on Google;" "Google Out of My Homoglyphs" and "Legalize Love: Google."

Photo: Jason/TYDN
"That Google chose to discriminate against any homoglyphs simply shocks the conscience," Pat Patterson, chairman of the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association, said in an exclusive interview here with TheYellowDailyNews. "We're not going to leave here until they stop this outrageous discrimination."

The crowd got even more agitated when a Google engineer addressed protesters and shouted through a megaphone that the search giant wasn't discriminating against their lifestyle.

Instead, engineer Mark Risher said Google just released a new spam filtering algorithm for its popular Gmail e-mail program, which he shouted "rejects duplicitous unicode homoglyphs."

Risher narrowly escaped with his life amid jeers from protesters claiming he was speaking in some underhanded code.

In an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, Risher said Google's homoglyphs discrimination actually benefits the gay, lesbian and transgender community.

"In fact, its good for everyone. We're just filtering out exploits in which nefarious people send links in email that have duplicitous unicode homoglyphs. You know, characters that look like letters in the alphabet but are not," Risher said. "We're trying to help people from getting malware on their machines. There's such a thing as a character that looks like the letter o but is in fact not the letter o. That's what we're filtering here."

Protesters began packing up after a helicopter in the sky dropped leaflets with a more detailed explanation of the discrimination.

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Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Hollywood Man Arrested After Updating Facebook Profile With Child Pornography

HOLLYWOOD — (TYDN) The authorities here arrested a 42-year-old man who updated his Facebook profile with child pornography, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Hollywood police said John Tileagio was being held without bond Wednesday after several of his Facebook friends alerted the authorities to his new profile picture.

Photo: Spencer E. Holtaway/TYDN
Analysts said it was the first time in social-media history that child pornography was used as a profile picture.

"We always caution users of social media to remember that their profile picture personifies who you are," Gretchen Gringerson, the well-known social-media guru, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

Tileagio, in an exclusive jailhouse interview with TheYellowDailyNews, said he meant it as a joke to use a picture of his 1-year-old son's penis as his profile picture.

"I took this beautiful picture of my wife giving him a bath," said Tileagio, a freelance photographer. "I hadn't updated my Facebook picture in a while, so I updated it with a cropped picture of my kid's penis—just for laughs. And now I'm facing 5 years and being labeled a sex offender for life."

Tileagio is expected to make his first court appearance Friday.

His attorney, Wilma Smith, said her client is not guilty of child pornography charges.

"I was just a joke," she said. "That picture is no more offensive than most of the profile pictures on Facebook."

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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Gaza Survivors Pause Grieving to Mourn Robin Williams

JABALIYA, Gaza — (TYDN) Survivors of the 1,900 dead in the latest Palestinian-Israeli conflict paused their grieving here Tuesday to mourn the suicide death of comedian Robin Williams, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Many of the tens of thousands here who lost loved ones along the Israeli border, where at least 10,000 homes have been destroyed by rocket fire during the latest Israeli offensive, said they were absolutely shocked that the Oscar-winning actor took his own life Monday.

"I really loved him in Good Morning, Vietnam," said Asmaa al-Ghoul, as he searched the rubble that once was his house where his wife and four children lived before an errant Israeli shell killed them all. "Nobody did it better in drag than Williams in Mrs. Doubtfire. It's a tragedy all around."

Asmaa al-Ghoul contemplates life without Robin Williams at his shelled house. Photo: United Nations/TYDN
Mental health experts feared the onset of a humanitarian crisis resulting from widespread depression throughout the region. All across the landscape, survivors were seen wailing uncontrollably over the loss of Williams.

"This could be worse than the gloom and doom I saw in the Somalia food distribution centers that set in when Whitney Houston overdosed a few years back," John Jasonian, an aid worker with CARE International, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

Meantime, officials from Hamas and Israel, already meeting in Cairo to broker a truce, announced Tuesday a day of mourning and a 24-hour cease fire out of respect for the Williams family.

"Our fighters know what it's like to lose a loved one," Hamas said in an exclusive statement to TheYellowDailyNews.

Williams, 63, was found dead Monday at his luxury home in the exclusive town of Tiburon, just north San Francisco. A preliminary investigation found the cause of death was suicide due to asphyxia.

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Monday, August 11, 2014

New York Times Abandons Courtesy Titles; We'll Miss You Mr. Honorifics

NEW YORK — (TYDN) The New York Times is updating its style guide and will no longer use honorifics—the courtesy titles such as Mr. or Ms. before a person's last name, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The move to drop honorifics, after more than a century in use, was announced Monday in a staff e-mail obtained by TheYellowDailyNews from publisher Arthur Ochs Sulzberger Jr.

Photo: Ahmed Hashim/TYDN
In an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, Sulzberger said that courtesy titles simply don't make sense any more, and he's not sure if they ever did.

"I mean, we're having fights in the newsroom about whether Osama bin Laden should be called Mr. Bin Laden on second reference," he said. "Or whether to put Ms. or Mrs. on second reference before a woman's last name. Jesus, I don't even remember why we're doing this. Does anybody?  The Nazi style strict constructionists are gonna have a field day."

Sulzberger said he began mulling the changeover more than a year ago when WikiLeaks leaker Pvt. Bradley Manning said he wanted to be known as Chelsea Manning and live as a woman after being diagnosed with gender dysphoria. What's more, Sulzberger added that, as more states allow gay marriage, words such as "husband and wife" no longer are gender specific.

"I had this epiphany, that society has moved beyond gender norms, and so should The New York Times," Sulzberger said.

The new policy also drops the "he said" or "she said" attribution and instead requires just the last name of the speaker—such as "Jones said," according to Sulzberger's e-mail.

Reaction to the style change was mixed among staffers of The New York Times.

Some welcomed it and said the new policy showed that the stodgy newspaper of record's style guide was keeping up with the world it was covering.

Other staffers, however, objected, saying Sulzberger had taken the idea too far when  announcing unisex bathrooms would be the norm at the paper's offices and newsrooms.

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Friday, August 8, 2014

Hamas Vows to Reignite War if Israel Doesn't "Vanish"

GAZA CITY — (TYDN) Hamas, in its first public rally following a cease-fire with Israel, vowed Friday to never give up arms and to reignite war if Israel does not accept its demands to "vanish from the Earth," TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Diplomats here and abroad interpreted the development as being a thorn in U.S. President Barack Obama's ambitious goal of bringing peace to the region by 2099.

The rally's rhetoric came early Friday, the final day of three-day-long truce that has brought a rare calm to the region after a month of renewed, violent conflict. At a rally here attended by thousands, Hamas supporters could be overheard chanting: "Blow up, blow up Tel Aviv."

Photo: YouTube
"Obama needs to step up and show some leadership, perhaps with an iron fist, and demand a resolution by no later than 2049," said Jacob "Jake" Eptein, a Hoover Institution international-relations scholar. "He should do this before we get to a point of no return. Otherwise, more lives will be lost."

At the rally, Mushir al-Masri, a top Hamas official, declared that "The war is not over yet and won't be until Israel decides to vanish from the Earth."

"Our fighters are still in the field, in their frontline positions. Our tunnels still exist, and they reach into Israeli territory. If Israel doesn’t agree to our demands, we will come there," he declared.

Gretta Groglon, a Harvard University scholar in Israeli studies, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews that the rally "underscored the significant divide between what Israel and Hamas expect from each other in the negotiations being held in Cairo. Israel wants Gaza demilitarized before discussing Hamas' demands, which also include a release of Palestinian prisoners in Israeli jails and greater fishing rights in the Mediterranean."

Israeli Brig. Gen. Miki Edelstein, the commander of the army’s Gaza Division, said in a conference call with journalists that Israel was prepared if Hamas chose to wage war.

"We are ready for any scenario," he said. "If Hamas will want to keep on fighting, we are ready for this."

Following the war's renewal July 8, nearly 2,000 Palestinians have been killed, about 75 percent civilians, the United Nations said. At least 64 Israeli soldiers were killed, including three civilians felled by rockets flying to Israel from Gaza.

Thornhille Broome, in Jerusalem, contributed to this report.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Remington Wins Sponsorship Rights to Popular YouTube "Execution Channel"

MADISON, NC. — (TYDN) Remington USA, the maker of rifles, won the commercial rights to YouTube's newest channel that live-streams government-sanctioned executions from across the globe, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Terms of Thursday's accord between Google-owned YouTube and privately held Remington were not disclosed. But sources close to the deal, speaking to TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the topic, valued the transaction at $1 billion over eight years.

Remington beat out bids by axe-maker J. Hollywood Co.; machete-producer Condor Tool & Knife; handgun-manufacturer Glock USA; rock-producer Halquist Stone; surgical-needle-maker Connecticut Hypodermics; electricity-generator Pacific Gas & Electric, and rope-designer Orion Ropeworks.

Financial analysts said the rifle maker was taking a huge risk by associating its brand-name with executions that won't necessarily be carried out by firing squad.

"I mean, so when the 'Execution Channel' goes to Saudi Arabia next week to broadcast a few beheadings, with brief commercial breaks for Remington rifles, won't that be sending a mixed message to viewers?" asked Smith Hathaway analyst Buck Krumpmeier, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "How are rifles and beheadings similar. This marketing play simply doesn't make sense."

Remington, of Madison, North Carolina, declined comment.

The "Execution Channel," which debuted last month, has mushroomed to 25 million subscribers, making it the second-most watched YouTube channel and just 1 million viewers shy of the "Cinnamon Challenge" channel.

The "Execution Channel" came to life after Justice Department officials met secretly with Google chief executive Larry Page, sources with direct knowledge of the April meeting told TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity.

"These officials were concerned that support for the death penalty was waning, so they wanted Google's help to turn public opinion," a well-placed Justice Department source told TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the topic.

The "Execution Channel" runs 24-hours a day and is broadcast in more than 100 languages.

Under Google's terms of service, YouTube has the right to remove executions of condemned children.

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Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Exclusive: Apple to Debut "Calling Feature" in Upcoming iPhone 6

CUPERTINO, Calif, — (TYDN) Apple's next-generation iPhone will for the first time come equipped with the most-often requested feature: the ability to make phone calls, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The iPhone 6, to be unveiled Sept. 9, will enable what Apple insiders are labeling "a revolutionary calling feature" that allows users of the device to call others using an iPhone or any other telephone, sources told TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to speak to the media and because of the sensitivity of the topic.

Photo: Håkan Dahlström
"This feature has been the most requested feature following the first iPhone's unveiling in 2007," said an Apple source with firsthand knowledge of the new iPhone. "It's a revolutionary calling feature for a gorgeous product."

The development, first reported early Wednesday on TheYellowDailyNews' website, caught analysts and the technorati by surprise. Many of them reached via telephone by TheYellowDailyNews told TheYellowDailyNews that they never even thought it possible that such a slender, beautiful piece of hardware could perform such an advanced task.

"It's such a pretty thing that feels so good to touch and is so mesmerizing to the eye that nobody ever dreamed you could use it to make a phone call," Gizmodo's Lance Tuncation said.

Richard Pearing Jr., a Bank of America analyst covering Apple, told investors in a research note, obtained by TheYellowDailyNews, to "hold" their Apple stock—but to be ready to sell at a moment's notice.

"We really need to see where Apple is now heading here," Pearing wrote. "The curves on this device have always made us salivate. We'll be watching closely September 9 to see whether Apple trades gorgeousness for functionality. If that happens, we urge you to unload your shares."

Meanwhile, reaction from the hundreds of thousands of Apple fanboys already lining up outside Apple's global retail stores was mixed.

Many of them, who spoke to TheYellowDailyNews, were concerned that Apple might ruin the device by making it less beautiful.

Others, however, welcomed the new calling feature and said it was only a matter of time before Apple would produce an unbeautiful iPhone.

Yet others, like Dravon Millmackmin, a 27-year-old carpenter in line at Apple's retail store in Palo Alto, California, said he feared Apple might now skimp on the gorgeous iPhone's packaging.

"This," he said, "might make or break my unboxing video."

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Tuesday, August 5, 2014

China's Internet Servers Buckle in Wake of NBA Jeremy Lin Look-alike Contest

LOS ANGELES — (TYDN) Much of China's and the West Coast's Internet servers were down Tuesday following the debut of a look-alike contest for the Los Angeles Lakers' newest player, Jeremy Lin, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The storied Lakers, which picked up the Los Angeles native over the summer in a five-player deal with the Houston Rockets, announced the fan-appreciation contest Tuesday afternoon, urging look-alikes to email their photos in hopes of winning front-row seats.

Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak, left, announces Jeremy Lin Look-alike contest. Photo: TheDailySportsHerald
Moments after the announcement, servers in Asia and the West Coast buckled under the weight of hundreds of millions of simultaneous entries. Renesys, which measures online traffic across the globe, reported that virtually all of China's severs collapsed as did servers in California, from Los Angeles to San Francisco.

Mitchell "Mitch" Kupchak, the Lakers' general manager, said he was "absolutely shocked" by the response to the look-alike contest.

"I had no idea so many people thought they looked like Jeremy Lin," Kupchak said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

The Lakers promptly abandoned the contest in a bid to undo the damage, which also affected hundreds of millions of Google's Gmail users.

Several well-placed NBA sources, speaking to TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the topic, said Commissioner Adam Silver was considering ordering the sale of the Lakers to punish the team.

A Lakers sale would be the second NBA team Silver ordered sold this year following the pending sale of the Los Angeles Clippers. That transaction, valued at $2 billion, is in response to Clippers owner Donald Sterling's recorded racist comments, which sparked outrage from fans, players and NBA executives.

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Monday, August 4, 2014

Google Bans Google Glass at Googleplex

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif.—(TYDN) Online search giant Google is barring its 45,000 employees from wearing Google Glass at its corporate headquarters here, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Monday's move, sparked by restroom privacy concerns, follows other venues, like cinemas, strip clubs, casinos, hospitals, restaurants and stadiums to banish the $1,500 wearable eyeglass computers that can secretly record video and audio.

Google Glass not welcome at the Googleplex. Photo: Trey Ratcliff
Analysts said it was the second Google product barred at the Googleplex this year, following the 45-vehicle April parking lot pileup involving runaway Google Driverless Cars.

Eric Schmidt, Google's executive chairman, issued the Google Glass ban to employees early Monday in an e-mail obtained by TheYellowDailyNews.

Schmidt, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, said life at work with Google Glass had become virtually "unbearable."

"You ever watch a dog defecate, on how it's always looking around nervously to see who's looking?" Schmidt asked. "Going to the bathroom at the Googleplex turned into that. It became unbearable. Our most private moments weren't so private anymore."

Schmidt also ordered the removal of the popular YouTube channel, "Googleplex Workers on the Thrown."

Shares of Google on the NASDAQ Stock Market were trading lower.

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Friday, August 1, 2014

NFL Running Back Apologizes for Punching Wife, Says Should Have "Backhanded" Her Instead

OWINGS MILLS, Md.—(TYDN) Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice apologized Friday to his wife and all women affected by domestic violence, saying he used excessive force when he punched his then-fiancée in a casino elevator, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Rice, speaking to the media at his sprawling home here for the first time in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, said instead he "should only have backhanded" Janay, who he subsequently married.

"I made the biggest mistake of my life," Rice said.

Photo: ESPN
Rice is accused of punching his spouse unconscious on Feb. 15 while in a casino elevator in Atlantic City.

Domestic violence groups applauded Rice, saying his acceptance of responsibility was a first start, and should set an example to other men considering punching their loved ones.

"Our research has shown that backhanded blows to the face deal significantly less force than straight-on punches to the face," said Rita Smithovitch, president of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. "We should applaud Ray Rice's acceptance of responsibility."

Rice has pleaded not guilty to aggravated assault charges and was admitted to an intervention program to avoid trial.

"I own my actions," Rice said. "I just don't want to keep reliving the incident."

Because Rice admitted to using excessive force, the NFL was considering lifting the All-Star running back's two-game suspension and $530,000 fine, according to NFL sources, speaking to TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity and granted anonymity by TheYellowDailyNews because of the sensitivity of the topic, and because the sources have not been authorized to speak to the media.



Thursday, July 31, 2014

"Gorgeous" iPad Stand Made of Real Wood Scrap Reaches $1 Million Kickstarter Goal in Hours

SAN FRANCISCO—(TYDN) The maker of "Wood," the gorgeous iPad stand made of scrap wood, announced Thursday it reached its $1 million Kickstarter funding goal—meaning backers should get their $199 tablet solutions in the coming months, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The founder of Scrap Wood Solutions, Josh Darlepstein, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews that he came up with the idea of transforming pieces of scrap wood into iPad stands that look and feel like pieces of scrap wood when he was a construction worker.

"I thought to myself, 'There's gotta be a better way to earn a living than pounding nails,'" he said. "Then I realized I was sitting on a gold mine. I could package this scrap wood into iPad stands that look like and feel like pieces of wood scrap."
Photo: Hope For Gorilla
Kickstarter spokeswoman Darla Ongloria said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews that it took less than a day for backers to pledge the $1 million necessary to get this project off the ground. She said the pledge drive beat out by several hours the $1 million raised just last month for a similar project for mousepads.

"This is just mind blowing," Ongloria said. "We were blown away last month with it taking just 20 hours to raise the million bucks for the "Piece of Scrap" wooden mousepad.  "But 16 hours to fund this gorgeous iPad stand. It simply shocks the conscience."

The "Wood" iPad stand project received favorable reviews when it was debuted.

Wired Magzine, for example, declared it "A revolutionary piece of furniture from tomorrow." Gizmodo said "Wood has a gorgeousness that enhances the iPad's gorgeousness. At $199, it's a steal."

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Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Feature: How the iPad Altered the Playboy Centerfold Shoot

LOS ANGELES—(TYDN) Countless men eagerly would accept Pierre Goodlfiran's job, even without his six-figure annual salary. Many would even pay for his job, or give their first born just to watch him work, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

At his 30th centerfold shoot here in the Playboy Mansion, the 47-year-old Frenchman is sizing up nudie sensation Yolanda Aconda, the blond porn starlet featured in box office hits like Yolanda Aconda is La Bomba, and Yolanda Does Dallas.

Pierre Goodlfiran checks the lighting before centerfold shoot with Yolanda Aconda. Photo: YouTube
Absent on the shooting set, however, are the props that once went along with a model posing for the Playboy centerfold. With the advent of the iPad—only about 9 inches big—the props drown out the model's features on the small tablet screen.

"We used to decide on a set based on a model's background and interests, and tried to tell a story in every centerfold to give the reader a sense of who the girl is about," Goodlfiran said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "There's just no room for props like taxi cabs or plow shears anymore. With the iPad, we can barely get the girl's feet in the picture. And you know how important feet are."

Goodlfiran, with his thinning, gray hair pulled into a pony tail, says the iPad has completely altered the centerfold shoot. Even the models have changed, too.

"Nobody cares about the set anymore. Give me a bed and colored sheets that go well with the model's skin tone," he said. "Today's readers just want images of the girl, and the shorter the women are now, the better. They fit more nicely on the iPad screen."

Aconda's spread is expected to appear on iPads in November.

Having always been a digital native, the 25-year-old Brazilian porn starlet said she was too young to know of the times before the Digital Age. But she did say that, indeed, advances in technology have radically changed her profession in other ways.

The advent of Viagra has been both a plus and a minus to the porn industry, she said.

"We sold five million copies of Yolanda Takes on Rio de Jeneiro," Aconda said. "But I couldn't perform for like two months afterwards."

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Tuesday, July 29, 2014

No "Switcheroo," NYPD Concludes Sun Bleached U.S. Flags Atop Brooklyn Bridge

NEW YORK — (TYDN) Investigators concluded Tuesday there was no security breach connected to the two giant, bleached American flags discovered waiving on the Brooklyn Bridge in what was initially believed to be a daredevil stunt pulled off by unknown pranksters, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The large American flags were the victims of wear and tear from the wind and sun, causing the Stars and Stripes to whitewash with age, New York's mayor said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

"Vandals did not climb two, locked 276-foot towers in the middle of the night last week, remove two American flags, and pull a switcheroo by replacing them with bleached white Old Glories in one of the city's most heavily guarded landmarks," Mayor Bill de Blasio said in the exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "It simply shocks the conscience over how irresponsible the media was to make the New York Police Department look so silly by perpetuating such falsehoods."

Photo: Youtube
"This is not a whodunit," de Blasio concluded.

Bill Bratton, the NYPD commissioner, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews that City Hall contractors were supposed to change out the bleached Old Glories with fresh ones early last Tuesday. But they wrongly changed out the flags at the nearby Manhattan Bridge, he said.

"When everybody woke up last Tuesday morning, they saw the sun-bleached flags on the Brooklyn Bridge and assumed pranksters had replaced the new Old Glories that the contractors were supposed to have just installed," Bratton said. "The contractor simply didn't do its job."

But the contractor, James Dunningham, the operator of Dunningham Dunningham and Dunningham Flag Services, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews that the contract was, indeed, to change the Manhattan Bridge flags.

"This investigation," he said in a telephone interview, "is a whitewash of epic proportions."

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Monday, July 28, 2014

Tour de France Winner Stripped of Yellow Jersey After Clean Drug Test

PARIS — (TYDN) Vincenzo Nibali, the first Italian to win the Tour de France in 16 years, was stripped of his yellow jersey here Sunday after his blood tested negative for drugs, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

The clean drug test from the 29-year-old Italian certified tour officials' suspicions that Nibali was not a dirty rider. Despite wearing yellow for 19 of 21 stages, the tour stripped the Astana rider of the winner's jersey for violating its doping policy.

Vincenzo Nibali, moments before being stripped of yellow jersey. Photo: Ciclismo Italia
Tour director Christian Prudhomme announced that Nibali, who won stages on the Vosages, the Alps and the Pyrenees, was in breach of tour drug rules. The announcement turned the festivities following the final stage procession on the Champs Elysees from jubilation to exasperation.

"Nibali has disgraced this tour with a clean blood test," Prudhomme said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "Every racer knows our drug policy and must follow it."

The Italian, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, said he would challenge the findings.

"I would never let down my family, fellow team Astana riders or my country," said an outraged Nibali, who added that he was "shocked" by the drug test results. "I have been following the new drug policy, to a letter, following its adoption last year."

"Somebody must have switched my sample with a clean one," Nibali charged. "My climb at the Pyrenees speaks for itself."

Tour officials changed its zero-tolerance policy in 2013 to avoid a another embarrassment like the one in which Lance Armstrong was stripped of seven Tour De France titles after testing positive for taking performance-enhancing drugs.

That year, Armstrong told Le Monde that it was "Impossible to win without doping because the tour is an endurance event where oxygen is decisive."

Prudhomme said Nibali's blood sample has been locked in a safe and is being transported to the United States, where it will be analyzed again by the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency.  Results are expected as early as next week.

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