Monday, July 19, 2010

Sierra Club Sad BP Oil Spill Didn't Soil Malibu

by Peirce Braslalames, TYDN BP Oil Spill Affairs Writer
MALIBU, Calif. -- (TYDN) The Sierra Club said Monday it wished the BP oil spill would have ruined Malibu and the Los Angeles-area coastline instead of the Gulf of Mexico and its surrounding seashore, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Oil drenched pelican off the Louisiana coast
The country's leading environmental group, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, acknowledged it was unfortunate the United States' biggest man-made environmental disaster did not pollute the ocean-front mansions of Barbra Streisand, Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton and other celebrities.

"We certainly think the public would have given a shit over the soiling of an ocean and coastline had it blackened the front lawns of Hollywood actors," Carl Pope, the Sierra Club chairman, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "The Hurricane Katrina survivors and their coastline just do not matter compared to Malibu. None of these people even own an iPhone4 for Christ's sake."

Greenpeace, which often has sparred with the Sierra Club over what Greenpeace has decried as the Sierra Club's "milquetoast stances," applauded the Sierra Club's position on the BP oil spill.

In an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, Greenpeace chair Kumi Naidoo said that it was of no environmental consequence that the BP oil spill devastation killed an ocean and blackened coastline a continent away from Malibu -- costing tens of thousands of fisherman and others their livelihoods.

"Our research shows that the majority of these bastards who lost their incomes don't even have HD television," Naidoo added in the exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "These people haven't even bought anything on the Internets and they don't even know what is the difference between Microsoft's and Apple's computer operating system. How whack is that? They deserved this."

BP, the Canadian oil concern whose Deepwater Horizon rig began April 20 spewing as much as 60,000 barrels of oil a day into the Gulf nearly a mile under the sea, disputed the findings of the Sierra Club and Greenpeace.

"Our Macondo oil well rupture could have happened anywhere across the globe," Lamar McKay, BP's president, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "It's just fortunate for us that the environmental atrocity blackened an area of the United States where, frankly, nobody gives a shit about. That Hurricane Katrina beat us to the punch really drives home that point."

Analysts applauded BP, saying it was the first time the oil concern was candid with the public following the devastating spill that blackened shores from Texas to Florida. In response to McKay's corporate frankness, BP shares reached a 52-week high even as sea life and tarred wildlife washed along the Gulf of Mexico-area shoreline.

The environmental groups, meanwhile, said they might turn negative on BP if its tentative cap that stopped the gusher Friday gives way. "If this Gulf spill begins anew and migrates to Malibu," the Sierra Club and Greenpeace said in a joint statement, " we're going to be pissed."

Photo: etiennecouto

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2 comments :

  1. I'm sure this pelican will be rescued and fed. After all, the oily bird gets the worm.

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  2. I’m not so certain that the celebrities would even give a shit if the oil spill reached Malibu. They are in and out of jail so often that they don’t even claim Malibu as their primary residence. LOL.

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