Sunday, August 24, 2008

Biden Wins VP Nod on Foreign Affairs Acumen

WASHINGTON -- (TYDN) Sen. Joe Biden was chosen as the vice presidential candidate Sataurday because he was the most knowledgeable of foreign affairs, showing deep knowledge and historical recollection of sex scandals of government officials from across the globe, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Obama, the 47-year-old senator from Illinois, picked Biden, the senator from Delaware, after Obama was convinced the 65-year-old Biden held much more of a vast understanding of foreign affairs than the other Democratic vice presidential hopefuls, according to an analysis by TheYellowDailyNews.

Analysts said Obama, a Democrat, needed a foreign affairs expert to compete against Sen. John McCain. The 71-year-old Republican presidential candidate is considered a foreign policy expert because of his age and because he was held captive for more than five years during the Vietnam War.

"Joe Biden was able to ring off from the top of his head several foreign affairs, from the ongoing sexual mishaps of French President Nicolas Sarkozy to Alexander Wood, a magistrate in Upper Canada who was part of a gay sex scandal in 1810," Obama said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews early Monday. "Biden really nailed our intense vetting process, and was even able to show on a map some of the countries where the foreign affairs took, or are taking, place."

Analysts said it was the first time in U.S. politicking that a presidential candidate had focused his vice presidential pick on somebody with vast foreign affairs knowledge.

"Having a good grasp of sex scandals overseas is something the American public really needs right now, especially as the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan move into their six years of warfare and with Russia's invasion of the breakaway republic of Georgia just underway," said one independent political strategist, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, whom TheYellowDailyNews granted anonymity because the strategist was not authorized to speak to the media.

"The Cold war is back," another strategist, requesting anonymity, said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "This is brilliant strategy. Voters need to focus on foreign affairs rather than the U.S real estate meltdown and the economy's implosion at home."

Still, McCain operatives immediately denounced Biden's foreign affairs knowledge. Sources close to the vetting process said Biden was unaware of John E. Brownlee, a former premier of Alberta, who was forced to resign in 1934 after allegations he seduced a young woman.

These same sources, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, said Biden had no foreign affairs knowledge of Uno Sosuke, the prime minister of Japan who resigned in 1989 after less than three months of service when a geisha revealed she had an affair with him.

"His knowledge of foreign affairs is minimal at best," said one McCain operative, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the operative was not authorized to speak to TheYellowDailyNews.

After the Democrats' convention closes at week's end, McCain is expected to announce his vice presidential running mate ahead of the November election. McCain, in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews, said he is likely to choose somebody with intense knowledge of domestic affairs to balance out his own foreign affairs resume.

Sen. Hillary Clinton, the Democrat from New York who Obama shunned Saturday as his potential running mate, is expected to audition to become McCain's vice presidential candidate. Sources said that, while her foreign relations skills are lacking, she has become a domestic affairs expert as part of her ambition for the White House.

Photo: Center for American Progress Action