Thursday, June 12, 2008

Schwarzenegger, Meteorologists Face Treason Charges

SACRAMENTO -- (TYDN) California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was arrested here late Thursday and charged with treason for declaring a statewide drought after two years of below-average rainfall -- dryness the governor said was causing extreme fire danger across the Golden State.

Federal agents stormed Schwarzenegger's office at the statehouse here about 11 p.m. on Thursday.

The agents accused him of treason against the United States. He was whisked away to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and will likely be executed along with as many as 600 other enemy combatants rounded up in Afghanistan and Iraq for plotting against the United States.

Schwarzenegger was the first arrested in DroughtGate, in what was followed by dozens of other arrests of California meteorologists. They, too, are accused of treason, of alerting al-Qaida via their news broadcasts that the state was suffering from one of its worst droughts, and informing the public that fire conditions were dangerously high.

"What Mr. Schwarzenegger did, and what those pawns in the media echoed, was a message to the terrorists, to the people that hate us, that all they have to do is toss a lit cigarette into the brush and they can conflate massive chaos," President Bush said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "Once again, you're either with the fight against terror, or you're complicit with terror. Clearly, Schwarzenegger and all of his media acolytes are for terror."

Moments after Bush's exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews in the Oval Office, his spokeswoman, Dana Perino, immediately clarified that the Republican president had misspoken.

"The president in no way made an overture that the tobacco industry, with the millions of deaths that they have caused to men, woman and children globally, in no way did he mean to say the tobacco industry was affiliated with terrorism," Perino said. "The president meant to say that terrorists could toss a lit match into the brush, not a cigarette."

Civil rights groups, including the American Civil Liberties Union, immediately defended the president.

The ACLU noted that treasonous speech was indefensible and carried no First Amendment protections, just like child pornography. "How many people will now die, will be endangered because of Mr. Schwarzenegger's reprehensible speech?" asked Anthony Romero, the ACLU's executive director.

Schwarzenegger spokesman, Aaron McLear, said the governor was sorry for endangering the nation, for sullying the good name of California, which produces the world's sixth largest economy.

"Since he was Mr. Universe, he's gotten pretty flabby. We hope this time in Gitmo, he'll take the opportunity to shed a few pounds and pump some iron," McLear said. "Then he'll be ready for the next 'Terminator' movie or, in the alternative, look good for his execution."

The Justice Department said as many as 56 meteorologists for the news media was also rounded up and hauled to Guantanamo Bay. Representatives for the media denied any wrongdoing but apologized for what they conceded was "egregious acts of treason," which is likely to carry a death sentence for Schwarzenegger and the weathermen and weatherwomen.

"We were in the process of abandoning our weather coverage on our news stations and moving toward focusing exclusively on hyping our reality TV shows," CBS President Leslie Moonves said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews.

"Our next show is a combination of professional eating while forbidding the players from going to the bathroom," Moonves said.

Executives for ABC immediately countered, saying they would offer a similar show, but demand the participants sleep with their opponents' wives, a show ABC News President David Westin described as a "tinder box minus the treason."