Tuesday, October 21, 2008

McCain, Obama Label Each Other ‘Jackass’

WASHINGTON -- (TYDN) Presidential rivals Sen. Barack Obama and Sen. John McCain turned on their vitriol meters Tuesday, labeling each other a "jackass" unfit to be the United States' commander in chief.

The jawboning came exactly two weeks ahead of the Nov. 4 general election. Revisionist historians said it was the first time in U.S. presidential politics that the candidates publicly used the J-word.

Many analysts applauded the candidates for their self control, for not publicly using more extreme profanity to describe their opponents. But other analysts suggested a level of disingenuousness from the candidates.

"You mean to tell me these guys only think the other one is only a big jackass?" asked Cal State Fullerton revisionist historian Harry Jeffers. "I don't think so. And I think the voters can see right through that."

A majority of likely voters polled by TheYellowDailyNews said they believed the candidates were, at a minimum, "a complete jackass." About 30 percent of respondents used language the Federal Communications Commission has prohibited TheYellowDailyNews from printing. The survey had a margin of error rate of 0 percentage points.

McCain, speaking here on his first of a multi-state, whistle-stop tour early Tuesday, said "Barack Obama is a big jackass terrorist and ignorant socialist." McCain said he himself was not a socialist because when he approved the $700 billion bailout, he envisioned taxpayers' money only going to Wall Street executives, not "an across-the-board wealth redistribution plan.

Aides were careful to review the speech with McCain several times, to assure themselves that McCain would not call Obama the N-word.

Later in Miami, Obama decried McCain as "a gigantic jackass Michelin-Man-lookalike, who is too weak to even lift his arms above his shoulders." Aides were careful to review the speech with Obama several times, to assure themselves that Obama would not call McCain an "aging jackass."

McCain countered hours later in Raleigh, N.C. He decried Obama as "a super-duper, supersized and gaping jackass." In Harrisburg, Pa., Obama called McCain a "jackass multiplied by infinity, to the third power."